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Take Your Time

6 October 2011 One Comment

So, I used to be fuck buddies with this guy for about a couple months. Let’s
see, originally, we were going to try to date but I started acting crazy and
super insecure. It’s just not me, at all. So, we stopped having sex for a
while, honestly, we’ve hung out more than we’ve had sex. Anyway, am I over
reading this? He always takes care of me when I cry, no other girl, or gets
into fights with other guys who are treating me wrong. And he always says,
“I really, really care about you” he used to tell me how much he really
liked me but it has all stopped before. Maybe because I told him that I’ve
never liked him and all I wanted to do was to have sex. He got mad and
stopped talking to me for about a month and half. I feel like he does like
me like that and has stopped short a month ago telling me that he has
thought about dating me and at one point, he did like me like that but at
this point of his life he didn’t. Mostly because he started talking to his
long term ex girlfriend and of course, it didn’t work out. On occasion, his
good friends pull me aside and tell me how much I’ve hurt him, if I could
grow up then I could have him but at this point of my life, i do not deserve
him. Anyway, so, we stopped talking when he started talking to his ex and he
started talking to me again but unlike the original times since i’ve lied
and said i didn’t like him or care about him, he started actually talking to
me. Like trying to be my friend, inquiring me about my day, wondering what
I’ve been up to, I mean, I know maybe he’s transferring his feelings for his
ex towards me and I do not want to be the rebound. I want to date him and
we haven’t had sex for about a month, we just hang out or text each other.
Do I have any future in this? I want to date him, I have feelings for him
(which is why I stopped having sex with him so he could sort himself out
with his ex) and I believe we could be a good couple. I’ve taken time to
grow the hell up and he’s obviously trying to be in the right place. I do
believe it’ll take some time but I’ll do anything to date him. Or maybe I’m
just a friend right? I don’t know.

I like that you said that you’ve taken time to grow up and you gave him space to sort his things out with his ex and with his emotions in general. His friends have told you that he likes you and you’ve hurt him, so that should have been enough for you to realize what his intentions were. He’s continuing to be friendly with you because he does want to be around you and you have left some sort of mark on him that he cannot easily get over. The fact that he goes back to his ex to try and work things out there and then keeps returning back to you while also not being interested in a mere fuck buddy relationship shows that he does get emotionally attached and he is of the type to not just get with women for sex and move on easily. This is a good thing if you do want things to work out with him, but if you’re only interested in him now because he is showing signs on slight disinterest then he may not be the right guy for you.

The fact that you haven’t slept together in the last while is a good thing, because now you can develop the relationship in a new and improved way. Taking things slow may get a little complex because you have already slept together in the past, but you may view that as a reason to be more comfortable around each other and not have to worry about certain thoughts that couples who have not yet been to bed together think about. You can now allocate your time to becoming more acquainted with each others feelings and each others desires. Acting as friends now would not hurt and can help the situation, and overtime you will see that it will naturally lead to relationship you are both happy with: whether just as friends or as a couple. You must remember that taking things slow and enjoying the process of things is usually sweeter and much more productive in the long run than a man and woman who had rushed into something without taking the time to develop something more meaningful.

And that’s the advice I’d like everyone to take away from this post. That if you are looking for a relationship and you believe that you have a crush on someone that can develop into something real meaningful then take the time to get to know the person better and learn their likes/dislikes and interests. Rushing into bed or rushing into anything else that is decided on whim usually ends into something short-lived. Meaningful relationships, like anything else, develop out of time and patience and passion. If you wait, it will be easier to see what sort of relationship you two are really suited for, whether friendly, long-term love, or friends-with-benefits.

One Comment »

  • Gary - carpet cleaning Temecula said:

    Sounds like he wanted somthing more than just a roll in the hay. He might be scared to get involved with someone like you, not wanting to get hurt again

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