Talking it Out Usually Gets You the Results You Want
I’ve been seeing a special someone for the past 2 and a half years. We’re both
married. He’s very affectionate with me and the sex is fantastic. The problem I
have is that I wish he could take me out more often. I understand neither of us
is available on weekends, but we both have a flexible work schedules during the
week. I must clarify he’s always been this way. Nothing has changed on our
relationship. I’m just getting tired of simply going to a local coffee shop
after sex. How do I ask him to take me out more often? He has the money and the
time. Thank you for your response.
Married people who begin extramarital affairs tend to not expect the same level of responsibility as someone in a faithful relationship. The reason that he does not take you out on dates or treat you like you were something more than just a sex partner is because originally you were okay with everything. As time went on, you caught feelings for him, but it appears that he has remained quite the neutral towards you. If the relationship hasn’t changed, and his actions towards you haven’t changed either, that means it was something about how you feel towards him has changed. You require something more of him, and the only way for him to know that is by quite simply telling him about it.
Next time you’re with him, after you’re through with the sex, plan something to do for the next time you see him. Essentially, you’ll probably end up in bed again but at least you’ll have a set idea for what to do for the date. The only problem I see with planning on doing something outside of the bedroom is that you are elevating your relationship to something that is more than just sexual. I’m sure you’ve gotten to know him well over the past 2 and half years, but if you’re interested in doing more than just sex then he may think that you are trying to gradually replace roles and become much closer to him and eventually want to take his wife’s place. I don’t know if that’s a good idea for you to even mention the idea of planned dates since that could complicate things and could make things worse in the long run. If you’re tired of the routine coffee shop after sex then maybe you’re bored of him and not the routine.
You two should be comfortable enough by now to discuss things without any complex or awkwardness, so you should not have too much difficulty explaining what you’re feeling. Just tell him that you’d like to be taken out more and read his reaction. If he doesn’t seem to respond well then you may want to discuss with him reasonably what it is you want. But the most important thing in the equation is to communicate across what it is you want and hear his thoughts on it. If you’re not happy with what he has to offer then it’s maybe best to leave things the way they are or to move on.