The Fun Side of a Relationship: Letting it Unravel at its Own Pace
Hi, so glad I came across your website!
I neeeeeeeeed your help! I know there are similar type of posts about fuck-buddies,
but this is definitely unique. Okay so a few months ago I met this guy in a bar
and as I had a boyfriend at the time I didn’t make a move so we just had a bit
of a bantering back-and-forth type relationship over texting. A while after I
broke up with my boyfriend the texting became a little bit more heated. I’m 20
and he is only 17. After school one day he came to visit and as I have never
slept with someone that wasn’t a boyfriend with whom I had a great friendship
this was new. First I wasn’t thinking that would happen. We did not have much to talk
about. So we fucked 3 times that night. He slept over and we did it again before
he had to leave for school. We even had a shower together. Every time he comes to
visit we talk very little, we just chill and have sex. He keeps on dropping
little ‘I’m gonna have to marry you’ type sayings. I do like him a lot but the
fact that he is soooo young and because the relationship started off with sex I
don’t know what he thinks of me or expects from me. The other night he wanted to
know what I feel for him both physically and emotionally to which I answered
physically he makes my blood boil and emotionally I like him but will have to
get to know him better. And what does he think about the whole situation. He
says he is in love with the idea of being with me and when I asked ‘being with
me, how?’ He said more on the dinner side table side like a date. When I said to
him make your move then his answer was ‘first I want a naked pic.’ I told him
that ultimatum won’t work for me sorry. Is he toying with me about actually a
relationship? I don’t want to get hurt and thus far I have kept emotion out of
it but the more he talks about it the more I think about it. What should I
I’ll start by saying that you are probably his first love and he is very much keen on keeping and even growing what you two share into something meaningful. You have to realize that for someone who is 17, dating or just sleeping around with an older girl is a very exciting thing, and a very big confidence booster. It doesn’t sound like he takes you for granted and will treat you better than most other guys just because he feels like he is the one with the good end of the bargain. For instance, I myself am used to being with women older than me, and I recall that when I dated an older woman that me, it wasn’t only exciting to be with her, but I felt like I had something no one else my age could attain. I was 19 and she was 28 and what we had was something I did not want to ruin. I am almost certain, by the way you have described him, that he isn’t interested in other women right now and the last thing he would want is to hurt you.
He is obviously not as experienced in the dating game as someone your age or older would be, but that’s probably a good thing, because he is most likely much more sincere about his emotions than others would be. I also wouldn’t say that he is toying with you, instead he is trying to reveal to you that he wants something serious with you but isn’t exactly sure how to break it to you without sounding needy or uncool. Though a man’s first love is usually more like lust than anything else, it still feels like the best feeling, and he is probably even more bewildered by the whole thing than you are.
A great thing about your situation is that you do not really have to be direct and explicit about what your intentions are, but instead you can allow your feelings to just grow together. You both are still quite young so mutual growth is crucial. Try to do things together that you have never done with anyone else, and taking showers together is a great start. Do more things in that nature and also invoke the romantic side in him by being romantic yourself. Small things like a candle light dinner or renting a motel for the day will continue to re-spark creative ideas and new emotions in him, and he himself will open up to you before you will even need to confront him about what and how he feels towards you. Being direct about your emotions is quite meaningless here I would imagine and it would even kill the fun in what you two are doing. Your relationship is fun not only because you two feel for each other, but also because it has few boundaries and possesses many uncertainties. You should view the uncertainties as motives rather than restrictions or fears.
Enjoy the time you spend with him and know that he is probably just as, or even more, flustered by what’s going on between you two than you are. He’s got many question he himself wants answered, but keep up the anticipation a little bit longer and see how things play out. You’re having fun, and allowing the relationship take its own course without neither of you having to control it is part of the excitement.