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The Lighter Side of Dating

31 March 2011 No Comment

I am not one for asking for help but here goes.

In some ways I am looking for structure and a way of finding myself a good
woman.

I recently have became divorced because my wife and I no longer found each
other attractive enough to make love to each other.

In her attempt to communicate that the confusion began for all sorts of
reasons but the end result is that I have linked my lack of direction to all
sorts of ideas, compatible girl, woman in my life. This is why I decided to
write.

What do you think would be the best possible way of ending this drought in
my life?

What a woman has to do 4
Photo by Nebulaskin
For any man, finding a good girl who is also attractive and on top of that likes you is one of the harder things in life. Of course it is possible, but it’s not something that comes at will. You’ll probably have to go through many not so good girls to find that one good one who is right for you. Nonetheless, you’ve mentioned that you’re recently divorced. This could be a good time to test the waters and see what’s out there without necessarily settling for any one girl for a long time, unless of course you’re lucky enough to find the perfect one from the bat. I personally believe that experience for a man beats anything else in the world of dating, and it’s only through experience that you get a good idea of what it is you like, what you dislike, what is right for you and what is not. We as men are not great at outlining what we want a perfect woman for us to be unless we’ve actually met her and spent time with her. But that can only come with spending loads of time with women that we do not like for one reason or another. When a man starts dating a woman, he watches for things that he likes in her, and after you realize there isn’t much that irritates you about her, you think that she has everything that you like. Over time that first intense feeling of a “crush” fades and you start looking at the woman in a different light. You begin to act more rational rather than emotional, and that duration of time along with experience allows you to begin thinking in the following way: “She has nothing that I dislike” rather than “She has everything that I do like”, because after time and multiple dates and being in various situations, we stop looking at the woman as someone perfect and instead approach the topic of dating realistically. This, in my opinion, is just as important as liking everything about a woman, because a woman who has none of the things that you may dislike is someone you will actually have a great enjoyment to spend time with as the relationship progresses.

Breaking the Spell

In order to end the drought and get back into dating and/or just sleeping around, you have got to be open to adventure and trying things that are different. This is the perfect time in your life to get out there and meet all types of women. You’re single, you’re available, and you’re interested in meeting new women. Now it’s just up to you to be active. But first, you have to know that you can’t go out each night with the idea that you’re going to meet the perfect, good woman that you’re searching for. That’s your end goal. It doesn’t mean that the process And He Never Met A Helga Weber That He Didn't Like
Photo by Helga Weber
getting to that end goal has to be miserable, instead the journey should be even more exciting and fun than the end result. You can meet women anywhere you go, the only thing you have to do is not think about wanting to get them in bed or even on a date, but just be nice, fun, confident and communicable. When a woman feels that you’re not “on a prowl” but are genuinely interested in just enjoying the time you spend with her and it reflects in your movements in what you say, then she will feel a connection with you. Make sure to be outgoing and open-minded when meeting women. Be flirtatious, do not think that if you’re playful with them that they may think that you like them and then feel obliged to take them out. Remember, you are enjoying yourself, if the woman misreads you and thinks you like them as anything more than a friend and in fact you don’t then you lose nothing. And don’t think it’s wrong to date around and take one woman out one night and another the next night. If you’re not officially in a relationship then you’re free to do anything you’d like. In fact, women tend to like men who are not hung up on just them and they find it a challenge to “tame” the man and make them theirs. It’s a competitive aspect in women that actually helps men who date around often get more women to like them.

Now, finding women to take out on dates shouldn’t be too difficult. Women are practically everywhere, all you have to be is–like I’ve said–nice, fun, confident and communicable. Don’t be afraid to spark a conversation with a perfect stranger about, well, anything that you conjure up. I’ve overheard a group of girls talking about sushi, and I got into the conversation as casually as ever by mentioning that I know a nice restaurant not too far that had some of the best sushi I’ve ever eaten. It was a nice little conversation, and if I wanted to pursue it then I could’ve asked for one of the girl’s number at the end by telling her that I could take her there sometime. I’m in a relationship, so I avoided it, but the fact that it’s so simple to engage with women is astonishing to some men. Just show genuine interest and make sure not to act condescending or on the other-hand, do not undervalue yourself. It sounds ridiculous, but when men get nervous, they sometimes say such weird things due to over-thinking everything that they seem creepy to the girl. But if you put yourself in the mindframe that you just want to talk to them rather than have your conversation end with a date, you take things much easier and it simplifies the whole process of picking them up. And once you’re on a date, well there’s a whole list of things that you can do or avoid doing to have the best results.


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