The Suitable Couple?
Dear Robby G,
My boyfriend of 2+ years and I are still together. He basically moved out on
me, and now we live on opposite sides of the city. I recently became
interested in a guy I’ve known casually for a bit. At a recent function I
sensed he was way into me, so I gave him my number. He texted immediately &
wanted to meet. I thought his intentions were of the boyfriend variety. I
showed up at his place for “lunch.” Not so. He confirmed his intentions were
only casual, and that he still had a girlfriend and was intent on keeping it
that way. I hemmed & hawed for a moment, but wound up feeling slutty &
sleeping with him. I feel my current relationship is coming to an end, and
therefore justified it that way. Now I assume this will be an ongoing
fuckbuddy thing for an indeterminate amount of time. So, my biggest question
is: why do I seem to run into this situation often, where guys see me as the
“fun” girl & not the “marriage material” girl? I know I am fun &
adventerous….but I also want a husband & kids….the total package. Second
question: the first time my fb & I hooked up, he was totally stoked about
when he could see me again. This time, he didn’t say a word. I know I
shouldn’t be obsessing, but he still wants me right? Also, I give you
extreme credit for being so forthright in your blog. Neurotic girls like me
really appreciate it! Thank you.
Saying that men do not see marriage potential in you cannot be true if you were dating a guy for 2+ years, so he obviously saw some potential, but something during the relationship went astray and you two went your different ways, even though it is not completely official yet. The only thing that makes a man not see marriage potential in a woman that is always looking for fun and adventures is that she may not give off the impression that she is herself interested in a husband and kids. In order for men to see what you want them to then you must portray yourself in that way. If they see someone who is always into partying and fun then they get the feeling that she isn’t in the market for a husband and is not intending to get too serious at this time. But if you were to talk and somehow show to them in a way that would give men the idea that you want marriage, then you would attract the sort of men that do want a wife and kids in the near future.
Now, about your fuckbuddy who simmered down after you slept with him. You said that he acted like he was really into you and that tends to happen often I’ve found. There is a type of man that has a tendency to get over-enthusiastic about a woman they meet and they pursue it until they get it, and once they finally do have the woman, they do not feel the same intense connection with them. He still has a girlfriend for whatever reason, most likely to not feel lonely, but he continues to chase women for the thrill and the catch, but the chase is much more interesting than once after you’ve caught it. Most women, on the other hand, tend to feel even more connected with the man after they sleep together. So even though he may have acted very thrilled or stoked at first, he has gotten off the “high” of chasing you.
I’m not saying that he is not interested in you anymore, but he may be less enthusiastic now. My advice would be that you do not put too much focus on him since he does not want to take your relationship further than the bedroom, and instead focus on finding a man that suits you more. If you are interested in marriage and a kid, then you should search for a man who also has such priorities. Continue having your fun fuck buddy relationship, but do not do it with hopes that he will leave his girlfriend for you. Would you even really want a boyfriend that you acquired by having him cheat on his current girlfriend? But to answer your question, I’m sure he still wants you, just may not think of you the same way you thought he did. And the fact that he was open enough to tell you that he does not have any interest in leaving his girlfriend and that he is only looking at your relationship as a fuck-buddy one, then you should have a pretty clear image of what his intentions are. All the best to you luck on your search for a man suitable for you.