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The Talking Method

19 October 2012 No Comment

Hi Robby,

I met this guy 3 months ago several days after I broke up with my bf. He
recently got out of a relationship of nine years as well. We hung out several
times. We ended up sleeping together. He told me then he doesn’t like dating and
doesn’t want to waste time fooling around. When he officially asked me to go on
a date I shied away. At this time my ex came back asking me to work things out.
I decided to drop the new guy for my ex bf. Two months past and things once
again failed with my bf. However, during the past three months the guy never
gave up asking me to hang out. He would ask me to hang out almost every week
only for me turn him down. Just about 2 weeks ago I decided to just give it a
chance. EVERYtime we’ve hung out, he would bring me around his friends (all of
which are married or engaged). He was very openly affectionate with me in front of
them. There was no denying we had something going on. I’ve even met his parents.
However, EVERYtime we hang out we end up in bed together. And he would cuddle
with me and ask me to spend the night. The last time we saw each other, he said
he wants to take me on a date and that he likes me, but it’s weird because we
haven’t talked since and it’s almost a week. He hardly texts or calls unless he
wants to hang out. We don’t chit chat or anything. Before, I’ve never texted him
first. When I do text him now, he takes hours or even days to respond. I don’t
know if he just lost interest or if he’s just unattached to his phone. Some
times he’ll take hours to respond but when we’re together we have a great time.
I’m not making sense of all of these mixed signals. Can you help? Thank you!

When he first explained to you that he wasn’t interested in dating or relationships, he must have meant it, yet whenever he gets lonely or sexually deprived, he will message you. Now that you have become somewhat hooked and are calling and texting him rather than playing hard to get as before (because you were back together with your ex) he feels that you will always be there when he needs you and that fire of excitement isn’t there for him anymore. It returns once in a while and he calls and you meet up and end up in bed, but before since it would happen more seldom, it was a thrill for him to see you. The amount of time it takes for him to text you back may also be that he is busy and he doesn’t check his phone frequently. Whenever you’re with him see if how often he checks his phone or if he responds to messages right away after he receives them or lets them go to his inbox for later.

Personally, I believe that he is being quite casual with you and doesn’t want to label your relationship. He doesn’t want to be committed to just you nor does he want to keep it strictly sexual where you do not enter his life in any other way than to just satisfy yours and his sexual needs. He takes it as it comes, and doesn’t get awkward about you meeting his friends or parents while not insinuating that he wants to have things grow into something more serious. Depending on how you feel, you should let things unravel, but if you ARE feeling very confused by his antics and would like to know more concisely what it is he wants, then talk to him about it.

You should try to communicate with him more and tell him what is on your mind, but not in an annoying way that makes it feel like a chore or “a talk”, but rather in a more casual way. Ask what he expects from this fling and be sure to explain what sort of vibe of mixed signals that you feel him giving off. He most likely hasn’t put much thought into what it is he wants from you, so he may not be very concise when explaining his feelings or desires, so you must understand that this means that he is more informal about the “relationship” and isn’t planning on making anything too serious out of it at the moment. This is just my take on it and you should understand that it could be that he has in fact put loads of thought into your situation, but then he will be more frank with you and tell you his intentions once you bring up the conversation. Either way, do not act drastically nor make any changes to the way you deal with him until you talk things out and you can feel him out more on his intentions. Frequently, most truths are revealed simply through conversation.

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