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Home » Friends with Benefits

Tricking Fuck-Buddy to Becoming Your Boyfriend

12 September 2009 83 Comments

I meet this bloke about 4 months ago. We have been fuckbuddies ever since.
We text each other most days and he phones me most weekends after a night
out. We both said we didn’t want a relationship as I was happy being single
and he’d just come out of a serious relationship.
The problem is I’ve started to feel more for him which I hadn’t planned to
do and a couple of weeks ago when I was drunk I told him. He was really
honest and said that he wasn’t ready for a relationship even though he knows
we get on so well and the sex is amazing.
I thought I wouldn’t hear from him again but not long after telling him
this he went away for a lads holiday and while he was away he has been
texting me (nice texts as well as dirty texts). I feel like he’s giving me
mixed messages.
Should I walk away before I get hurt or should I continue to be his
fuckbuddy? He’s back in a few days and wants to meet up for a bit of fun
when he gets back. Any advice would be greatly appreciated as my friends are
giving me mixed advice.

I’ll say this from the start. If you like the sex and want to keep sleeping with him with no strings attached, as he wants to do, then go ahead and do that. However, since you’ve pointed out that you like him and want a relationship with him, I guarantee that it will be tormenting and unsatisfying for you in the long-run if you continue to sleep with him when you feel like you need more than that. The problem with continuing to see him in a fuck-buddy relations is that you’ll enjoy the sex, but will eventually get really fed up with the fact that he only calls you when he wants to fuck, if that hasn’t already begun. That will eventually make you feel really bad inside and he may pick up on it, but you’ll probably try to do all you can to keep satisfying him. That’s the problem with falling for a fuck-buddy.

How Can You Make Him Like You?

A fuck-buddy telling a woman that he isn’t ready for a relationship sort of means that he just doesn’t want to take things to the next level and complicate the whole thing. So how can you make him see that it would actually be beneficial to him if you guys were in an actual relationship rather than just fuck-buddies? Invite him out. Do it like this. When he gets back, call him and just talk. Don’t mention going out and when he asks to meet up for “fun”, just say you can’t that evening. Then wait a few days or maybe a couple of weeks and just keep texting him and whatever, just make sure not to meet up. Then one afternoon give him a call and ask him if he wants to meet up for coffee or lunch. Actually try to get to know him more, but more importantly, try to make him interested in you by getting him to know you better. Just don’t act needy and the best way to do that is to imagine that you haven’t slept with each other yet. Try to make yourself seem mysterious and fascinating, not for your looks or sex appeal, but for your personality, ability to be humorous, and general knowledge. Believe it or not, men want to date smart girls. Who they sleep with don’t have to be bright, but in order to date a man you should be able to talk about something that is interesting to him. Then, try the calling and going out again and again and try not to have sex with him when you guys meet up. Basically what you need to do is try and do everything a couple does without him really knowing that he’s gradually conforming to a relationship with you. It sounds sneaky and cunning, but if you want a relationship with a guy who doesn’t really feel it necessary, then go ahead and do it. Essentially, make him work for the sex. And once in a while when you feel like you two are getting close enough on an emotional level, then try and have affectionate love making with him rather than a quickie. Also, if you see he’s distancing himself from you because he may see through what you’re doing, then use sex to your advantage and give him a taste of some sexual contact, but don’t deliver completely.

Labelling it as being in a relationship isn’t essential to actually being in a relationship. So even though there is quite some game-playing you need to do to get him to fall for you, which he will eventually do because if he’s willing to sleep with you, I can almost guarantee that if you play it right then he’ll be willing to date you as well, or at least will be tricked into it. Nonetheless, if you think all of this isn’t worth it and this guy isn’t someone you want to waste energy on, then as I said in the beginning, you can continue being his fuck-buddy, or you can just forget about him completely by telling him that what he’s offering (just sex) isn’t enough to satisfy you and you don’t think you should continue doing it.

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83 Comments »

  • beth said:

    thanks for the advice. He gets back tomorrow and wants to come round so I’ve told him that I’m busy and will catch up with him sometime next week. He was a bit disappointed and then suggested we should go away together next weekend so we can catch up properly. See mixed messages. Who takes their fuckbuddy away for a weekend. Isn’t that what couples do?
    I’ll give your advice ago as I know we’d be really good as a couple. Thanks again :o)

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Beth: Those are really mixed messages, but that’s a good thing because he’s not 100% certain what he wants therefore it will be much easier to just guide him the right way. Give the advice a go and good luck with everything.

    Reply to Comment

    sirley Reply:

    girl follow ur heart

    Reply to Comment

  • bptr said:

    And you think he won’t pickup on this? He would have to be a moron not to know what you are up to. Ever hear the saying “If you follow I will flee, If you flee I will follow”? If you want him then let him ask for more. I am a guy – I know.

    Reply to Comment

  • isabelle said:

    but what if, he won’t go out with me when i ask him out for coffee or lunch? how about if i just confess thru text or sumthin like that, is that a bad idea?

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @isabelle: Hey, thanks for your question. I went into more detail answering you questions in the following post: http://www.shiteilike.com/retreat-and-he-will-follow/

    All the best.

    Reply to Comment

  • Kaydee said:

    I am in sooooo much the same boat–only mine might be even a bit worse? My fuck buddy and I started out just as that, friends with benefits. He was allowed to date as was I. He goes and tells me one weekend he’s going to Alabama to see an “old family friend”, he admitted that the friend was a girl and that he was going for the weekend. Now, keep in mind–at this point I was already having mixed signals from him because he was wanting me to stay complete weekends with him and I would several weekends. I had already fallen in love with him. The night before he goes to spend the weekend with her he calls me and wants me to come stay with him–and like an idiot I went running. He left for the weekend and I was miserable all weekend long, thinking of him being with her intimately. He comes home and although he told me he didn’t sleep with her I later found out through other mutual friends that he had. So I told him, tell me the truth and it will be alot easier to deal with. So, he tells me–I like her, she’s nice and I will go back but I don’t want anything serious but HECK I think she thinks I’m her boyfriend! Well, obviously he did something to let her think that. So now, here’s my dilemma–I’ve tried to take it back to just the “friend level” but for some reason can’t seem to stick with it. I really have fallen for this man, hook line and sinker. And yet, he does go away and spends some weekends with HER. I have only slept with HIM. Every weekend he wants me by his side, and he can be very passionate and loving–the sex is fabulous. I love him and I’ve told him I do. He says he can’t and won’t tell me or her or anyone else that he loves them. So, I don’t know what to do. He wants me and her and I sit quietly by on the weekends when he calls her and talks to her (briefly mind you because I’m there) and he knows I don’t like it. But, I feel he needs to choose–either me or her! I’ve told him, make a decision. But I’m scared he’ll decide to pick her. So I’m not sure what to do–any advise? If I say things to him like, “I love you and I think you love me too don’t you?” He will say “Uh huh” and I’ll say, “I think you care more than you let on, don’t you?” and he always smiles and answers, “Uh huh”

    I want to tell this woman for more than obvious reasons: 1. being that it’s not fair to her or to me. I know for a fact that she is clueless that I even exist. and 2. because I love this idiot! but I feel he should be the one to end it with her. I have her phone number and have been tempted to drop her a little “clue” but I have yet to do that cause I feel if I mean anything to him at all he will eventually make a decision. If I were to give her a clue he wouldn’t respect me for that.

    Does anyone have any suggestions or insights? What would YOU do? Would you call her? Thanks for listening…

    Kaydee

    Reply to Comment

    cindy Reply:

    Oh my word this man is terrible! I can’t believe you’re putting up with this. RUN AWAY! There is nothing good that can come from this. Marriage? Children? A family? No! Just emotionalless sex.

    Stop sleeping with this man. You are sexually whipped, but you can get over it. The first thing is end the addition. You’re getting your fix from someone bad, but if you stop sleeping with him, you will get hungry for action again but hopefully from someone else! Force yourself to develop a crush on someone else. Nothing serious. Just a crush. Let yourself get hungry for action again, but not for this guy.

    Take a chance and search for something better. Do not settle for this nonsense. I’m not saying who you end up with has to be perfect but not this. This is ridiculous. Kick this clown to the curb!

    Reply to Comment

    cindy Reply:

    Well I saw your update and I have to say I am very surprized. Hmmm, maybe it will work out. But I can say its all because you grew a spine and quazi dumped him.

    Still I don’t trust this guy. Seems cowardly with commitment issues. I still think you should search for the one that really loves you, from the start. But, I wish you the best.

    Reply to Comment

  • Velarey said:

    @ Kaydee. YOU are being played a fool by this jerk. If a guy likes a girl, he does not hesitate to show his feelings no matter what! You started out as f buddies and now you’ve fallen for him..sounds typical of an f buddy relationship. Someone almost always ends up feeling this way.. Future lesson for next time, either find a boyfriend or realize you’re just a piece of meat in his eyes and most likely will be played a fool unless if you fall for an f buddy. I’m sure he’s enjoying the attention. Someone with enough courage and smarts would walk away .. You’re playing with fire, sounds like you’re getting burned. Have some self respect. Geez.

    Reply to Comment

  • Velarey said:

    **correction. I ment if you want to getin this situation again, go on and get another f buddy. But I guarantee you, you’ll probably end up falling for him. Either get a boyfriend if you want one (forget HIM, he’s playing you) or continue with him but realize he won’t commit, at least to you. He’s using you for a good time, he’s lied to you, he’s more interested in another girl…wake up! Also, your third option is to walk away–but I doubt you will, he’ll continue to string you along and send mixed messages and play you a fool until you’re exhausted from this bs!!

    Reply to Comment

  • Jenn said:

    I also am in a similiar situation… when me and my buddy started seeing each other we discussed a real relationship and he stated that he doesnt do well with girlfriends and that he didnt want to put a label on things. I said that was fine since i had just ended a really bad relationship well now it is about 8 months down the road and i am developing some feelings… he texts me everyday and tells me he misses… i would like to bring up being in a real relationship with him but am afraid that it will ruin the things we have.. he sends me mixed my messages by saying things like he cant wait until i am older and a lawyer and i can bail him out and also he stated that he cant wait until i have kids so that my nipples will be more sensitive… like what does this all mean what should i do someone please help!!

    Reply to Comment

  • Kaydee said:

    Okay, here’s an update–I backed off my friend–we spent time away from one another and when I finally did go over to return his keys to his house I saw that he was falling apart. The house was a mess and he was a mess. He seemed sad and it was clear he was depressed. I stayed and watched a movie with him on separate couches mind you and then when it was over I said, thanks for the movie and I have to go home. He asked me to stay but I said, No–I’d better not and I left. He has since called me and I told him, that I’ve come to the conclusion that we wouldn’t make a good couple. Now, he’s wanting me to come around more and he’s showing interest in me. He’s no longer seeing the girl in Alabama. I stay the weekends with him again but I don’t make a big deal out of it. I don’t call him during the week and say that I miss him or that I’m horny or anything. If he wants to call me he will call me I don’t wait on him to call. I’m just taking things at his pace and it’s working in my favor. Last weekend he invited his parents over for Sunday breakfast and I fixed us all a nice breakfast and really enjoyed meeting his parents. We have a puppy together now. He makes statements like, I’ve got to fix OUR sink etc. (in other words, he’s using OUR, US and WE) now. And he doesn’t go out unless he takes me with him. The last time he went away he got down on his knee because he knew that I knew where he was going, and he said, I love you–you have nothing to worry about. And since then he’s never called that girl again or gone away for the weekend. I truly feel that he’s mine now. We don’t say we love each other all the time but I don’t need to hear it all the time–I know just by his actions. He calls me every night after work and we spend every weekend together. So-my advice to someone who’s sick of being just a fuck buddy is to let him know–you’re through with that and you’re MOVING ON! And if he’s truly into you he’ll turn his attitude around and start wanting to pull you back in. That’s what has happened in my situation. But we don’t talk all lovey dovey shit either. We just keep it on the lite side and I let him know that I’m there as long as he’s there for me. I keep my emotions in check. I know that I can have any man out there if I want one–but I want him and he knows that. I’m not an ugly girl and I get compliments right in front of him all the time-sometimes by his own friends! So, he knows what he has. And he loves staring at me and tells me how pretty I am all the time. I love that. So, have patience and back off if you want them to feel something for you–that’s what I did and if he truly does feel something he’ll turn around for you.

    Reply to Comment

    bella Reply:

    :D awesome, so i also have hope.~! :D im happy for you.!!

    Reply to Comment

  • Lizzy said:

    Ahh kaydee, you realllyyy answered my question as well, except my situation is A WHOLE lot complicated, i wish i could contact you for some advice

    Reply to Comment

    Kaydee Reply:

    Lizzy, no matter how complicated, even if he’s married or has a live in girlfriend if he loves you and you back away from him–he will move every mountain to get you back, which means he’ll leave his wife or gf. If he doesn’t–then he truly only kept you as a bonus and in that situation I wouldn’t stay,there’s plenty more fish in the sea. Cry, be hurt, eat chocolate and then put on that cute mini skirt and go find you a new guy once you’re over it and be sure to let him know you’ve moved on. Truly no matter what his tie is–if he wants to be with you and make you HIS he will make it happen when he feels and sees you’re done with the situation.

    Reply to Comment

    Kaydee Reply:

    Lizzy you can contact me at ksweeneyau @yahoo.com if you like

    Kaydee

    Reply to Comment

    Elizabeth Reply:

    What exactly do I say when I tell him I want more we never talk on the phone so I think I should text him but what to say without scaring him

    Reply to Comment

    Kaydee Reply:

    Just wondering how things are going for you? I haven’t been on here for a long time!

    Kaydee

    Reply to Comment

  • tmoney said:

    soo…this guy and I were fbuddies about a year ago..but we stopped because he thought I had feelings for him(and i did). we’ve become really close in the past four months but he asked me again to be his fbuddy…saying that if i didnt have any feelings for him at all, then he wants to try it again…but i told him no..whats his deal?? we used to text eachother all the time..and even chilled as friends, didnt even touch each other..and would say things like, you and I talk so much easier than my ex and i did…i dont get it!

    Reply to Comment

  • Kaydee said:

    @ tmoney-are you saying that he wanted to “try to be f buddies” again? If you are having feelings for him then going back to the f buddy game won’t help you much. I’d play it down and say something to the extent that if you want to “date” me that’s cool–let’s see how it works out. And then see if he will actually take you out to dinners and other events. Go sloooooooooooooow! That is my biggest advice. It worked for me and now I can say that my fbuddy is totally into me as his girlfriend. He only sees me and I know this for a fact. We stay together every weekend and he is the first one to ask me to come over and he’s even given me a set of keys to the house. In fact, we’ve been redecorating his house. It’s so funny too because I catch him referring to his house as OUR house. Or he will say things like, “when we get back to our house” or we need to look at getting better such and such for our place. Don’t you think our place would look nice with such and such? I don’t think he even realizes he’s doing this but I always get a little smile on my face when I notice it.

    He looks at me sometimes and just grins and when he does I ask, what are you grinning at and he always says, I like looking at you–you’re just stunning. It makes me feel his love. And I truly do feel he’s happy, content and in love. But I can honestly say that I did NOT pressure him. When he was seeing the girl in Alabama I told him–you need to make a choice and I left it up to him. I had her number but i didn’t call her, I felt it was truly up to him and he’d have more respect for me if I stayed out of it. He went to her and told her that he wanted to date other people and he hasn’t heard or called her since. I read a birthday card she sent him and she said that she wished him all the happiness in the world and to have a nice life, that he deserves that and he truly does. I knew this man was an honorable man and now he’s treating me like an honorable woman. I tell everyone that wants to date me that I’m unavailable because I’m very happy with my special someone and he knows this. Good luck to you hun–if you are truly into this guy then make him treat you like a lady and see what happens. Expect more and normally if he’s really into you you’ll get more!

    Reply to Comment

  • Jazz said:

    My fbuddy situation is a tad different, we dont really speak okay, that sounds weird I know but we dont (I do know him btw he’s not a complete stranger). We spoke often last year and he made it quite clear he wanted us to be fbuddys I refused thinking that it would just be weird but 5 months ago after 12 months of being badgered I cracked and agreed. The sex is great but everything surrounding it isnt, I get a text, he comes round and its pretty much a wam bam job although its only been once a month we have a brief conversation after and then he’s off and I wont hear from him until he wants sex, we’ve had a cuddle before which was lovely (although shoulnt be allowed with the whole “no strings”). He’s mentioned how its been such a long time since he’s had a girlfriend and as times gone on I am begining to like him more than I should although I suppose I always did have a soft spot for him. I suppose what im trying to ask is how can I let him know im here and available without blowing everything, or is this a silly question and its more a case of telling him straight…??

    Reply to Comment

  • Kaydee said:

    Jazz–if you want to become more to this guy than just his “play toy” then you need to set your standards higher and let him know that you can’t be his “toy” anymore. If he hasn’t been in a relationship for ages who is to say you are his only fbuddy?? I would be scared of that situation. I was scared of it when I was in my situation. I had no control or idea if I was the only one he was sleeping with and to be honest I’m in no hurry to get some type of disease.

    Just subtlely let him know that you don’t play the “fbuddy” game anymore, that if he wants to treat you like a lady and go on a date–that’s cool if he doesn’t, let him know there are other ppl you could be dating and it’s cool. See if he comes around. If he likes you more than just a fbuddy he will come around.

    Reply to Comment

  • asianchix said:

    well i also have a fuck buddy. i see him every weekdays, but i kinda feel like i want more from him.. i dont want to just always fuck around. he told me once im his type, but i dont know. he’s the type of guy i would really want to date. he got all the things im looking for a guy. but im not hot, or sexy as his other girls. i dont know what to do. should i tell him that i want us to be more the fuck buddy?

    Reply to Comment

  • Risika said:

    some of your stories are similar to mine. you see me and this guy ive known for years just became fuck buddies, and ive always kinda had a thing for him, but he doesnt get it. and the sex is uhh-mazz-ing let me tell you. but im looking for something real, im done with the runnin around being sleazy thing, it gets old after awhile. lets call him frank. frank and i met at a party, so the first time we talked we was both of us were kinda drunk, but now that we see e/o almost everyday it gets a bit akward knowing that i like him and all, but i cant seem to get how he feels about it out of him. like everytime im at franks we’ll be chillin listening to some extreamly loud music, and he just has that blank stare on his face, and i always tell him to quit lookin so sad. but he always just says im just thinkin, i never push him, never question him, and i never jjust blantly put it out there that i want more than just hot sex from him.
    im stuck in a very sticky situation you see, how do i let him know that i want more without just putting it out there?
    help me please it will be greatly appreciated
    –Risika

    Reply to Comment

  • Risika said:

    some of your stories are similar to mine. you see me and this guy ive known for years just became fuck buddies, and ive always kinda had a thing for him, but he doesnt get it. and the sex is uhh-mazz-ing let me tell you. but im looking for something real, im done with the runnin around being sleazy thing, it gets old after awhile. lets call him frank. frank and i met at a party, so the first time we talked we was both of us were kinda drunk, but now that we see e/o almost everyday it gets a bit akward knowing that i like him and all, but i cant seem to get how he feels about it out of him. like everytime im at franks we’ll be chillin listening to some extreamly loud music, and he just has that blank stare on his face, and i always tell him to quit lookin so sad. but he always just says im just thinkin, i never push him, never question him, and i never jjust blantly put it out there that i want more than just hot sex from him.
    im stuck in a very sticky situation you see, how do i let him know that i want more without just putting it out there?
    help me please it will be greatly appreciated
    contact me at xxdeath_queenxx@yahoo.com
    –Risika

    Reply to Comment

  • Kaydee said:

    It’s pretty simple . . . if you want more and you want to find out if it can BE more . . . then back away from him. Don’t make yourself so available to him. He’ll start to miss those moments with you and eventually start pressing for more. Eventually if he wants to know why you’re not coming around–tell him you’d like something more meaningful than just sex. If he only wants the sex then he’s not worth the investment. Either way, you’ll get your answer and go from there. Ice cream and chocolate companies are in business for a reason. It’s painful at first but once you’ve eaten the ice cream and chocolate move on. Then, who knows he may come back to you! Good luck! I know I finally caught mine and I could not be happier.

    Kaydee

    Reply to Comment

  • Maika said:

    Hey guys,

    like Risikia says we have lots in common! Basicaly what we want and need is a bit of warmth from them!

    My story is pretty similiar, I know him for a while now..i think we met over a 2 years ago, n then sumting just died between us…ohh wait than he had a gf… afer more than 6 months later he start msg me on fb-normal stuff like: hey, how things with you bla bla bla….so we hooked up, turns out that his gf dumped him, for another guy! and he was very sad about it and basicaly i went we were talking a lot so from word to word we become a fbuddies. Like someone say above we’re not talking much, texting from time to time but when I’m there, it’s nice…he is cooking for me/or other way round, we’re having a laugh watching movies, we’re having a conversation about politics and history (pretty deep stuff), obv a really good sex, n then we’re cuddle through the whole nite…but then when i’m coming back home he’s going quiet, no texts-sometimes he’s taking a few days to replied on my msg! ohh For all that time that we;’re sing each other,m we have been on ONE AND ONLY date:| I’m really confuesd because i’m scared t ask him if he wants to do a bit more…i’m just worried that i’m going to lose him :(

    P.Ss I hope that makes sense to you.

    Reply to Comment

  • Maika said:

    ohh sorry tehre should be @Risika-sorry bout that :)

    Reply to Comment

  • Emily said:

    So I have a fb that I’ve known for a while he’s friends with all of my friends, and we’ve been fb for about 4 months now thing is he has a girlfriend.. Of over 3 years he text me everyday & we see each other at least 4 days out of the week.. We don’t just text about sex but I’m falling for him & I’m way to scared to tell him cause I have no clue at all how he feels about me & I don’t want to scare him away.. He says things like” I’m not like all the other girls he talks to”, & I’m the best fb ever, we promised each other not to have sex with other people & neither one of us have.. Wht should I do? Stay around, or let it go?, do u think he cares for me at all? Or just sex? How do I ask him how he feels?

    Reply to Comment

  • Kaydee said:

    If he’s had a gf for THREE YEARS then wake up! He’s sleeping with HER and YOU and who knows who else! I hope you are smart enough to use protection (and even that isn’t 100 percent that you won’t catch something.) You don’t know if SHE is being faithful and only sleeping with the two of you. I say TWO of you because it’s almost as if you are sleeping with both of them when you have sex with someone and he’s having sex with others you are essentially having sex with everyone anyone sleeps around with. Scary stuff!

    I’d be upfront with him and tell him you have no desire to be FB’s anymore as long as he has a girlfriend. Make him make a choice-you or her and don’t take any less! Don’t let him continue to use you as his little indulgent fuck hole which is pretty much what is happening at this point. Men can be pigs–mine was, but I put a stop to it. I knew that he had to make a choice and he chose me thankfully, but had he not, sure I would have hurt–but I would have moved on. You can and should do the same! Good luck to you!

    Reply to Comment

  • roxy said:

    so. ive been fuck buddies with this guy for a couple months now. and when it started neither one of us wanted a relationship. we made that clear. i had asked him to hang out once a few weeks ago and he said no he didnt want me getting attached. (which i am already) so i played it cool and said i wasnt attached and enjoyed being single. i needed a forth person to go to the amusment park with me and my friends and he had agreed to go, which kinda shocked me.(we ended up not going at all, long story) and also earlier this week i had planned to go to spencers to get some..stuff for us. and he asked the night before if i was going, and i said hopefully. and he said “ill go along with u im off tomorow…if u want..” and he comes over whenever i ask, as long as he doesnt work. and he almost always cuddle afterwards. and we pick on each other. and he texted me today and asked how i was. and just alot of what he does lately makes me think hes starting to feel the same way. and hes told me im his only fuck buddy. should i play the hard to get card?

    Reply to Comment

  • Kaydee said:

    Hey Roxy,

    Yeah I would (play the hard to get card) if you ever want it to be and mean more than what it is right now. Someone has to change the situation and you are the one in control of that. If he’s really interested and starting to have feelings he’ll come around. Good luck!

    Reply to Comment

    T.M Reply:

    Hey Kaydee,

    Please if you have some time, read my story, I would appreciate your honest opinion!
    The update is in the comment, below Robbie`s advice…

    http://www.shiteilike.com/sure-acts-like-a-boyfriend/

    The latest update, after you read the whole, whole story, that he did not disappear after my b-day. He said he needed time to think, he admitted that he LOVES TO BE WITH ME, and asked me to confirm this back ( ? ), however, as he said, he doesn`t want to keep me in the dark, he doesn`t know if there`s any future for us, but he wants to be with me. When I asked if he wants an opened relationship he said NO! When I asked if he`d mine that I`d go with someone else for a holiday he said HE WOULD, BECAUSE HE WOULDN`T DO THAT TO ME!

    But he made sure to “calm me down” about his ex ( still living there) he said she isn`t around most of the time, and she`s planning to move together w. her new bf.

    What shall I do? Shall I wait few more weeks, back up or split up?!
    I am worried if I split up he`ll choose the easier way and let his ex ( if she`s an ex at all ? ) to stay.. Please help if you can!
    Any advice appreciated!

    Love, xxx

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    Kaydee Reply:

    Hey Girl,
    You can contact me at ksweeneyau @yahoo.com (no spaces)

    Reply to Comment

  • roxy said:

    does it sound like he likes me? i asked him to come over last night and he said sure. and i said u dont have to. and hes like no i want to. then he never did bec he didnt wake up with his alarm..(he can only come over at like 2am bec im home alone then.) lol.

    Reply to Comment

    Kaydee Reply:

    Hi Roxy,

    Just wondering how things are going for you? I haven’t been on here in a long time–so busy with life ya know? Playing psychologist and hoping to be one some day lol. Seriously, I’m a full time mommy and full time student working on my Psychology degree.

    K

    Reply to Comment

  • ladida said:

    well İ have a guy who doesn’t refer to himself as a fuck buddy but that’s basically what we are.1-1.5 months now. he and İ had a one night stand and became fuck buddies after he took me out for breakfast and said he doesn’t do this with one night stands.sex is good. İ am 25 he is 42.He treats me nice, says he adores me, introduced me to his friends. Oh, and he has a girlfriend of one year that lives in another city and he sees once every 1.5 months. he works until late most days at a bar and calls me to come over. thing is, i used to ‘forget’to pay for my drinks at the bar he manages because İ want to be getting more from this relationship than just sex. Now he let’s me order and doesn’t offer for it be on him. This sucks and İ wouldn’t really mind continuing the fbuddy relationship if he paid for my drinks and occasionally took me out. how do i get him to pay or want to pay for my time and company ?
    P.S his girlfriend is in town and staying with him for 2 weeks. İ even met her(i didn’t let on) and he calls me surreptitiously and says he misses me and looks sad. But all İ want is to have a fbuddy until the right guy comes along and i want this fbuddy to treat me with respect by paying for my drinks while calling me over to his bar and me waiting there while he closes up and we go to his crib together.
    or should İ just stop seeing him?
    Thanks.

    Reply to Comment

  • ladida said:

    whadya think ladies?

    Reply to Comment

    Lisa Reply:

    Ladida, honey, make him work for it! Drinks for your time and body!?!? At forty-two years of age, at minimum, he should be a lot more respectful to you, and although a bit young, you need to raise your standards, but NOT your expectations. “But all İ want is to have a fbuddy until the right guy comes along and i want this fbuddy to treat me with respect by paying for my drinks while calling me over to his bar and me waiting there while he closes up and we go to his crib together.” Be mature in these matters. First, figure out what it is that you REALLY want. You mention boyfriend and fbuddy. Which is it? Second, if you are interested in getting a man, do not use the word “crib” ever again unless you want a boy. In a situation like this, keep your expectations in check. Get to a point where you can control the situation (all ladies do). You had your tab taken care of by him before, so get back to the “BEFORE” sector of this relationship and try and get at least that if it will please you. Steer clear of the girlfriend!!! He should have been more respectful and wiser and keep you two apart in the first place- what an ass! If you are not in a committed exclusive relationship, fine, but space and time should be respected on both ends. If you are not getting what you want, then shape it to where you do, but move on if unsatisfied or unfulfilled. He seems like he may not be mature enough for what you are actually looking for. It is not always about the age, but he being older, may be treating you according to what he thinks he can get away with. Young or not, be a lady, respect yourself, and he will have to go with it, or go away!

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  • Bethany said:

    I find myself also in this situation, however it seems to be mutual. I am terrified by the thought of a relationship and he says he doesn’t want one….which is fine or so i thought. We were instantly attracted to each other the night we met and have ‘enjoyed’ each other ever since. I have noticed however over the past few weeks that things are much more tender and emotional than either one of us would care to admit. I have purposefully stopped kissing him during sex to maintain some sort of emotional boundary, not that it worked he noticed me doing it and knows why i did it and smiled at me and held me in his arms until we slept. I woke up still in his arms whats more it felt right, the look he gave me was one of pure admiration…that loved up look. and finally last night i did not stop kissing him or purposefully be aloof or any of the other bravado…i let him take charge for once and rather than just sex he made love, how odd this is or perhaps i am just odd. try as i might I’m finding it harder to tell myself that we are just f buddies. I find it infuriating that i actually like him this much now

    Reply to Comment

    Kaydee Reply:

    Hi Bethany,

    Just wondering ow you are doing? Your story was so sweet. IT really sounded like you two were connecting on a more intimate level. How have things been for you–would love an update and I hope it’s a good one.

    K

    Reply to Comment

  • Maika said:

    Hiya guys,
    Here is a small update from my side:
    Basically I ditched that bloke! I’m not gonna hang around till he will make up his mind! I said that’s it no one will be playing around. It’s hard but I’m coping! Girls THRES no need to feel like thise, there’s a time to pay them back-there is plenty fish in the sea:) hope that will lift you up!
    Lots of love :)

    Reply to Comment

  • kristen said:

    im glad im not the only one! I have always been in long relationships and im very passionate and affectionate but hate answering to someone ALL the time. I have been single for a while so..I started i wantedto try dating, not to be confused with husband hunting or one night stands just want to find someone to share my time and have fun…maybe more later if all goes well. i met this guy, and for the first time in my life one thing led to another and on the first date… you know. it was AMAZING! I knew he wouldnt call, guys dont want a relationship with a girl that does that on the first date. (btw im sooo embarassed, ashamed,but it was worth it). So a few days later he is texting me wanting me to come over.. i thought it through and decided this is actually what I need. He and I both work ALOT and are single parents without a lot of time and Have the hottest sex of my life. I am not necessarily sure if i want more yet, but Idefinatly want control. He has it right now. Iv never been one to chase after a guy. I usually am the queen of pulling a guy in …but he has the ability to keep me checking for text messages every ten minutes waitin to b summoned lol. (maybe thats why Im so into him). I dnt wnt him to fall in love bc i dot wnt relationship.. and i would probably get bored (which is what im afraid of happening to him if idont figureout how to turn the tables a little- not too much). I just need some help here. How do I get him to jump at my call every now and again? We have to find a balance where we both are chasing a little to keep from oneof us being bored. its typical we both want what we cant have i think. I gotta getthis under control… i dont like being on this side of things lol. If I can balance the “Who wants who more” thing to be more even then this arrangement could be exactly what i need want. need some ideas of how to get his attention and chase aftr me a little. sorry i went on forever. not sure how to explain..im new to this.

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  • Melissa said:

    Reading this makes me realize that I’m not
    The only one struggling with this situation:/
    But I am 17 years old.
    I met this “dude” through high school
    And we became text buddies he would always offer
    To hang out, go watch a movie, but I didn’t want to
    That was in January, then in April he would sent me
    Texts like “come cuddle with me, I miss you”
    Stuff like that. So the weeks before prom we didn’t text due that
    My cell phone was broken, so a little before prom
    We would text. Then prom night I ended up
    In his bed :/ we didn’t have sex I was a virgin.
    We just cuddled I guess. He wasn’t even my prom date.
    I never talked to him at school.
    So weekend after weekend I would end up in his bed.
    Sometimes we would skip class just to do stuff. But not sex.
    After school was over I lost it to him. And we have been having sex like twice
    A week, but now it just doesn’t seem right,
    I know he talks to other girls, I’ve gone through his messages, I see his
    Facebook wall. And idk what to do. I don’t know if I should just end this
    Because I know I’m gonna miss him,
    Or I just wanna know if his having sex with someone else or if he always does that?
    Because idk of any Gfs of him.
    We never have normal conversation & that’s really weird.
    The only thing we text to each other is
    “come over”
    And in the beginning we never talked about relationships :/
    Hm, and after sex we always cuddle and go to sleep
    But we never just hang out, he never asks me to go out
    With him. Please don’t judge I’m not a slut.
    I have only had one bf and kissed 4 boys :(
    Just I need some advice, cause I can’t ask my mother
    For advice on this. What Im not liking about this whole thing also, is that
    No one knows, I have only told my cousin, it’s been a secret.

    Reply to Comment

  • alpha said:

    I find myself in an odd situation right now. I travel quite a bit and I am single but I have fbuddies all over the world…from san francisco to nashville to miami to new york to london to stockholm to thailand to hong kong to melbourne to rio de janeiro to buenos aires…anyway you get the point. They are all great guys I met in the past, usually while traveling, and if we happen to be in the same area then we’d probably hook up.
    I met one of them several years ago while I was at the bar with my (then) boyfriend. He dared me to go talk to a guy at the end of the bar (he had some issues) and I ended up talking to him and his friend and they were really cool. He added me on facebook and he would occasionally ask me out but I wouldn’t respond because I was with my boyfriend.
    ex and i broke up over a year ago, and i made a joke to the guy from the bar on facebook, and he said he would be in town soon and that we should go out. I wasn’t sure if he was even straight, and I kind of just assumed that he was gay or something so I didn’t put much thought into it. So we go out to a nice dinner and continue drinking after, and then the bar closed and we went up to his room to have another drink. I thought we were just hanging out but then he kissed me and we made out and he asked me to stay over the night. He gave me pajamas and he just spooned and held my hand all night long.
    The next night, or a couple days later, i dont remember, we went to a movie and then to the bar and then back up to his room. Things were progressing well and it ‘accidentally’ slipped inside me a couple times without a condom. then i asked if he had a condom and he kinda hemmed and hawed and said that we should wait. i said “what? why?” and he said “so that we have something to look forward to next time” and i said ok, but he continued grinding on me and shit and so i forced him to go get a condom. Then I kinda went crazy and fucked him like a champ. i let him spoon me all night, and he walked me out in the morning and kissed me outside.
    After that he was texting me a lot, asking me to meet him on his business trips, etc, but things felt strange so I kinda just backed off. He was back in town a month or so later and called me to hang out in his room because he was sick (i verified…he actually was sick). We basically just hung out for awhile and then had sort of boring sex…i was incredibly jetlagged as I’d just gotten into town myself, and he was jetlagged and sick. I slept over there and he had to leave early for work so he let me keep sleeping. I felt kind of hookerish, or used, that time, just because i had to go to his place.
    I hadn’t seen him since then, but he is in town and has been since last week. He asked if i wanted to go meet him at the bar, and I said ok, but it took me too long to get ready to go over there (over 90 minutes, yeah) and so he was up in his room. We hung out for a little while and watched tv and he kept trying to cuddle with me and make me massage his back or something stupid, finally he just kissed me and i have a habit of losing all restraint when i’m in that position, but i had my period pretty badly so i just blew him and then tried to leave, even though deep down i wanted to stay. After, he was trying to cuddle with me and said “don’t leave, you can sleep here, at least for a couple hours” and i was trying to turn off the light and he thought i was getting up to leave and he was hugging me so tightly that he wouldnt even let me move that much. it was odd. So i was there being spooned and having my hand held and i let that go for like 12 minutes before saying i had to go right then. i’m not sure why i’m uncomfortable with it.
    I went down to the bar and ended up getting tipsy and tired and went to drink afterhours with a couple friends. I had driven over to meet this fb and didn’t want to drive home drunk and tired so i texted him, just said “let me know if this wakes you up, too tired and maybe drunk to drive home right now” but he didn’t get it and responded at 6am when he was up for work.
    I was at the bar at the hotel he stays at a couple nights ago with a friend of mine who lives there and texted him to say “if you’re around, i’m at the bar with my friend” around 11:30pm, he responded at 6am saying he went to bed at 9 because he had to wake up at 5am for work. I said “that’s cool, if you want to hang out at all this week then just let me know” and he said he was flying somewhere for work..I said ok, “i guess i won’t see you then. but you do owe me now, i won’t forget.” and he responded “i’ll be back on sunday”
    So that’s the situation basically…what I’m confused about is, does this guy think that I like him more than I do because of those text messages I sent him? I don’t think I really like him, and he’s definitely done a good job of not talking about too much personal stuff even if i do sometimes let that stuff slip out of i’ve been drinking. I do know that I don’t like the hooker feeling that comes with going right up to his hotel room and maybe that’s what made me want to leave immediately. But why is this guy so intent on cuddling all the time? He’s so kind and considerate in ways that go along with that. I think maybe it started off that he liked me liked me, and then it evolved into him just thinking of me as a fb. I don’t know though…the way he looks at me and the way he holds me go directly against the other signs of being fbs, but now when we talk he seems to have a ‘speak when spoken to’ policy and will elaborate on things only at my request. He is european if that makes a difference.
    My problem is that I’m not sure if I like this dude or not. He’s a high quality person who inspires me with his job, but I feel like the real reason I might be confused as to whether or not I have feelings for him is because I’m afraid he’s looking at me like I’m a whore or something, and I find that threatening. I feel like he has an idea about me that I’m just slutty, and he won’t be able to see the wonderful things about me anymore. I guess if those are the things I’m concerned about I must like the guy. Does it sound like he’s trying to make an exit, or what? What do I do? It’s driving me insane to perceive that someone I admire thinks i’m just a ho. Oh, and I have plenty of fb experience, and it’s usually wonderful and there’s an implied level of respect for each other that has prevented me from feeling like this ever before.

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    Robby G Reply:

    @Alpha: Funny–when I was reading this I pictured him a European (Dutch or Scandinavian) before you said he was. Anyways, I think that he liked you initially and thought of you as someone interesting and someone he’d like to be with. FB girls are always intriguing because you can never really fully get them to be yours, and if you’re a territorial man, a FB is always exotic. Overtime though he began to think of you as slutty and tried to get himself to not want to think of you as a candidate for anything serious. I don’t know if he’s able to control himself too well and really still finds you intriguing. The hand holding and cuddling are all signs of his feelings towards you, and I honestly doubt that he has had experience with FB before and he may not even grasp the concept well. You on the other hand know exactly what you’re doing and what you got into, and not that you’re questioning yourself based on how he may be perceiving you, you assume that that is a sign of your growing feelings towards him. I personally doubt that you are really THAT into him, and you just care for him, which is normal. You care about what he thinks and you care that he is changing in the way he acts in relation to you.
    I don’t think he’s making an exit, I think he’s just finally growing to accept the situation for what it is and realize that there is no chance of changing you to want to be in a relationship with him.

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  • lalala said:

    this guy (let’s call him Mark) and İ have been working on a project of mine for a couple of months now and İ wasn’t attracted to him at first because he was neat and healthy and İ dunno but İ thought he might even be gay because he was so together. anyways, he surprised me one day and kissed me and we started sleeping together. and the sex is amazing and we have been doing it for a month now. Technically we are friends with benefits. we enjoy each other’s company and occasionally go out/eat together but no one knows and he likes it that way because İ guess he is not serious about me and doesn’t want to take it to the next level(meaning more than just sex and project). he seems to be the type of guy who never falls head over heels but is ‘cool’ about eveything he does. i want him to want me more and to be more than friends with benefits. i want to be subtle but i want him to fall in love with me. how do i go about doing that? any advice.

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  • brenda said:

    I met a Guy on a dating site called POF. He tracked me down on this site stating he waslooking for a long term relation ship. He was actually the only one that caught my eye. He left me his Number on the dating site, so I gave him mine. It took him a couple weeks to to call me said he was busy with work. He told me his life story and it took a few weeks from there I met him at his place, mind u a hour and a half drive. I noticed he had me park in the alley by the back garage all the time, but bam the first night he was so aggressive he couldn’t wait to have sex. He would text me “good morning beautiful” every morning. He started telling me I was amazing and how perfect we fit together. I had started suspecting that something wasn’t right since we could never spend weekends together. He was out of town every eeekend. I was starting to tell him to get lost and leave me alone, well I would apologize and start back with him again. Well a couple weeks ago he text me to come over again and I wouldn’t, he begged all the way to Thursday since him and his son was going out of town that Friday. I never heard anything from him, so I text him Monday and said I was coming up and he then replied he met someone. I was so shocked and upset.since I came out of a 28 year marriage 4 months prior. I done some investigating and found out hmoved her into his place that weekend, she lived out of state so they have been weekend dating. He wanted me so bad that Thursday before he went to move her back. That is so wrong. I’m still sitting here crying and hurt really bad. I was going to show her all the text he sent me to let her no how he is.

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  • brenda said:

    I met to say let her know how he is. Please help.

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  • Hopeless Romantic? said:

    I’m in an odd situation as well, and would LOVE some advice. So my best friend lives in a house with a few of my other really good friends. I kissed one of the housemates during one of their first house parties about 9 months ago, but that was it. In the following months, he’d ask to go out to dinner with me, or ask for me to come watch a movie with him… stuff like that. I was never interested in him that way because I always thought of him as just a good friend, but I went out to dinner with him a couple times and just enjoyed his company. Then one drunken night, we ended up having sex. Then it happened again, and again, and I realized that it was just going to continue happening when we got drunk together. But then we started having sober sex. Then it started getting way more intimate, just cuddling and smooching and holding hands. We’ve gone on a couple dinner and lunch dates and he’s even kissed me after them. This kind of thing has been going on for about 4 months now. I’ve started developing feelings for him, and it seemed like he was too. But I decided to have “that talk” with him one night. I told him I was starting to get feelings for him, and if he wanted it to remain casual, we should stop having sex. He told me that he hadn’t had time to develop feelings for me and that he was just having fun… so I tried ending it. But then the next night at one of his parties, he saw me flirting with some guy and kept trying to swoop me away. By the end of the night he had his arm around me and was holding my hand. I had sex with him the next morning and right after, told him that we had to stop. A couple days later he takes me out to dinner and I thought there was some reason for him asking me out, but he didn’t say anything about us at all. We jumped right back into what we were doing before I told him how I feel, and it’s even more intimate now. He KNOWS I like him, and says he doesn’t feel the same, but he gets jealous when I’m with other guys, and takes me out on dates, and still does all the kissy cuddly hand holding boyfriend crap. I’m over at his house all the time because he lives with my best friends, and even they think the situation is strange. I don’t know what to think or do. Advice?

    Reply to Comment

  • Rachel said:

    NEED ANSWERS!

    I’ve been reading some of these fuck buddy situations and I’m needing some advice b/c I don’t get ANY advice from my friends and I’m going crazy.

    I have always been in serious relationships and I started dating again this time trying to date multiple guys. After a while I really started to like this guy that when we went on dates I had so much fun with him. So I dumped the other potentials and stuck with him. We started to get intimate and I would stay at his place every night for a whole week. He went on vacation preplanned and I missed him dearly. I was hooked! When he got back he told me that he thought that we were looking for different things. He said he didn’t want to be in a relationship. I was so into him at that point that I couldn’t run away, so of course I thought in my crazy girl head that I could change his mind. I became his fuck buddy instantly but he would give me mixed signals and tell me that he wasn’t seeing any other girls. The most confusing part was when he would invite me over to just cuddle, no sex, just cuddling which I LOVED. We would also do other things like go to get food and he would always pay, even go to the grocery store together. He kept saying he didn’t want to be in a relationship but acted as if we were dating already. I started to notice things that I wouldn’t consider dating like he could always call me and of course I would run to him but I could never get a hold of him. I “hung out” and got to know him over a 6 month period. He would call me when he was out with his married friends and had been drinking and tell me that his friends were telling him that he needed to start looking for someone, so I would say “so you called me?” and he would say yeah. It was so confusing I wasn’t good at playing his game. I finally broke it off b/c I know I want a relationship and I needed more but I think about him all the time and I still want to be his gf. Is it possible that he wanted me? He said that I could call 5 other girls from his past that would just tell me that I was wasting my time. Why did he give me such mixed signals? Is it just him having commitment issues? Am I better off or did I just not play the game right?

    Reply to Comment

    Josie Starr Reply:

    Yes you are difinitly better off. I was kind of in the same sitiation you were in with an amazing, cute and fun to be around wit guy. We did things couples did, he bragged about me to his friends and all but somehow i felt he wasnt ready to commit to a relationship with me so after 6 months I left. I know the signs of a real relationship and I never got any from him.If your getting mixed signals is because the person giving them to you doesnt know what they want. And if you knoe what you want theres no need to keep wasting ur time with someone who doesnt.

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  • Hannah said:

    Soo i have sort of the same ish problem. Found this guy, was instantly attracted to him and he was to me too. I couldn’t stay away, as we talked at first via text, i didn’t really like his personality too much but instantly wanted something physical with him, i have never been so attracted to anyone. anyways, we started having sex, before we even had sex the first time he asked me what i was looking for, i said i wasn’t sure. he said he just got out of a relationship and liked having time to himself, not the whole spending all your time with a girlfriend thing. Well anyways we’ve been having sex sporadically of and on for the past 5 months ever week or so, we back and fourth initiate. i was completely fine with just sex and would hardly talk to him if it didn’t involve him coming over for a while, i thought it was funny when he would start saying things like “you’re the only girl i’ve slept with since we last slept together” and “you are the only girl who it has felt so good with.” i just thought he was trying to be nice or something, because he trys to be a nice guy and make sure my feelings never got hurt. funny thing was, i really didnt care. last week i went over to his place and idk something changed. i’m kind of fond of him now, he’s like nobody i’ve dated and at first he would borderline annoy me, but now i’m kind of into him and the fact he’s so different than any other guy. i asked him if we could actually hang out sometime and he said yes he’d like to, but he’s always busy he is about to graduate college and is always working on projects, and none of his friends know about me because they would tell people i know, and i wanted to avoid a bad rep. we would alway meet up really late, like 2AM because honestly, thats when he’s usually free. I feel like he is into me, because i know for a fact he hardly sleeps with people, and lately he’s been trying to connect more…in his weird way. but at the same time i feel like he’s pushing away. i can’t tell if he’s always busy and just doesn’t have much time, or he feels like we’re getting too attached now and i’m a drag because i know he doesn’t want the whole “gf/bf” thing.

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  • lj said:

    Bottom line: In no strings attached sex men seem to be more comfortable with it. Granted, some women turn the tables on this scenerio but most of the time they do not.
    Most of these relationships here won’t work out; even if the man changes his mind and gets serious about his booty call-I think the women won’t be interested.
    There are always exceptions,of course

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  • Lizzy said:

    I could really use some advice…. Me and my fuck-buddy have been back and forth for almost three years now. When we first started hooking up we had both just gotten out of rather complicated relationships. We text and talk on the phone almost every day except when we are on an offstage which usually last a month or two tops where we don’t talk at all. Our friendship has always been complicated, we have known each other since we were little and we have always flirted back and forth (not to when we were in relationships). I never expected to fall for him it just kind of happened. I’ve told him how I feel and I am always left feeling more confused after we talk about it. He says he loves me but he’s not ready to be in a relationship…. I was fine with this response for a while him and his ex had a baby only like 6 months before we started hooking up and I know he is still scared of relationships because she just left one day. I know he hooks up with other girls because he tells me about it; I guess I wish he would commit to something whether that turns out to be us together or apart. If it were anybody else this situation would have ended a long time ago but I am so scared of losing him.

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  • Jenny said:

    Help I need some advice! So Ive been with this fbuddy for about 4 yrs on and off. It started as just sex and then I developed feelings for him..we never established what this situation was. I have told him I had feelings for him and wanted something more but he never gave me a straight answer and says I am being too emotional and he likes chillin with me but does not want any drama (this was over the summer).. So now I am back on again with him after 2 months of keeping away. I used to always get moody and bitchy around him before and now I am doing the opposite. I buy him food, go run errands with him , anything he wants and he has been contacting me more to hang out but I want something more. I dont know how to tell him what is it that we are and I want to be with him without scaring him away.

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  • Kristin said:

    I met the guy off CL a couple months ago. I just came out of a long term relationship and I was looking for some no strings attach fun. I meet this guy and we had sex it was amazing. when I was about to leave is car he said that is it. I am like what do you want and he kiss me good night and told me to save his number. We were having sex regularly until one night his ex gf show up one night when I was there and he had to throw her out of is apartment. Since them we have had sex a few times and he text me almost every day.I really like this guy and I want us to have more than a sexual relationship but feel like his ex is standing in the way of this because she is not letting go. I don’t know if I should walk away completely.

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  • Sarah said:

    Hi, I have been fuck buddies with someone for 2 years, I think he sees other people,its not something we really talk about cause i get jealous, and he keeps me away from his friends. I fell for him immediately and when i saw it wasnt goin anywer i moved away and got a bf. He hated it and tried to get me out of the relationship, and he managed. But when i told him how i feel about him he told me he doesnt wanna complicate his life. I miss him too much and keep going back to him whenever i decide its time to move on. He gets ridiculously jealous though if he sees me out with some guy and always wants to know if i have a bf or not. i love him i really dnt know what to do. The sex gets better the more times go by, it clearly isnt just sex, he thinks we wouldnt get along as partners, but we never really tried, he never took me out or had a proper date. would love some comments :<

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  • Kimora said:

    Hi I’m in the same kind of situation and it has been like this for a year and a half now, and I have always felt that at the beginning we were having fun and I was just gonna keep my options open. The thing is every time I would meet up with him he would ask “Am I the last guy you was with.” And this wast at the start of getting to know him when this was our second and third meeting, on and on and on he asked the same thing. I’m thinking to myself “It’s not like you’re my man or even taking me out on a date, how dare you ask me that.” It is is none of his business because he never told me he was looking for a girlfriend. Every time he called me in the week I would stay at his house and get ready, to go to work or to uni and he’d pay for my cab this went on for 8 months, till he went on holiday in June last year now 2011, and he said he was going on a business trip with a business partner, only because I asked him if he wanted to come to my friend’s baby shower in the week, and he said I cant because I have to go to Spain for 2 weeks, then America for 4 weeks. I thought to myself I’m someone you are seeing, and you don’t even have the respect to tell me anything. I just feel that this man has been really confusing to understand, and I feel like he contradicted himself, because he said to me I was not serious because I was seeing other men dating, and all that. So what I did to prive my point to him, that I could be serious was lock off all my links. And do you know what it didn’t get me anywhere, and I feel like he has just wasted my time a whole year, of my life has gone down the drain. I’m not gonna lie and say I never hooked up with a few guys, because of his mixes messages but at the end of the day he gave me no choice. So I broke it off with him in July 2011 and he didn’t want me and him to break up, and he wanted to see me in the week, then he failed to call then I broke it off with him again because I felt like he was taking me for a ride. You know what just talking about this does my head in, and this man does nothing but give me stress, and I can rather do without. We spoke recently about things and where we both stand and I told him, since you wont take me out then I anytime a man asks me out I’m going out with them, proving my point I could be serious and only see him I have suffered greatly and will never do this for no man again! It would have to be some fiance shit, as far as I’m concerned. All we ever do is have sex, and I told him that and I told him I do not want a fuck buddy, I’m, looking for a boyfriend. He changed a lot, after the so called “business trip” and we don’t sleep together in the same bed anymore, he spends, less time with me and always says his busy and has to go studio as he is a manager for a record label and owns businesses. He comes to my house when it’s convenient for him, has sex with me and leaves and says he has to go studio. And because of how he treats me I never call him hardly ever, infact I think I can count how many times on both hands how much times I’ve called lol.

    What do you think of this bizzare relationship? and he says we are not fuck buddies, he says I’m his girl but if I am why would he treat me so shallow like this when I’ve stated what I want from him. Let me know what you think anyone. Please I need your advice.

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  • Lindsey said:

    I love it. Best advice ever!!

    Reply to Comment

    sirley Reply:

    hi i met a guy who was anxious to knw me and when we did meet in person we got along so well he kissed me but after that night i took it personal and started to call his house and send him messages that was when i messed up bxuz he started showing less interest in me later he said we shud just be friends bcuz he didnt wantnto complicate things so we had a fight on the internet after that we decided to meet the same day and we slept together ater our first sex he said he still wanted to be friends so i fell horrible and ask him if he didnt like it he replied that i was the best hes had and he loved it but still wanna be friends so i acceped because i didnt want to be used for just once so i decided to trick him to get closer and weve had sex every other two days we started getting closer when he notied that hw was getting closer he told me one day that he had something to tell me n he saidthat his ex ws coming back i dnt knw if it was to chase me away but he añso said am sorry i dnt wanna hurt ur feelings u arew too good for me i dnt deserve u forgive and all that he started to blame himself for been selfish i said it was ok and i decided to trick him into a relationship to keep on having sex with him rite now i only started tlking other issues with him then talking dirty things like before and i notice that he shows more interest in me than before he started to tell me he wish i cld go to his place at night which i said i cant and he sid some sweet things that he never said to me before when we wee fuck friends now i am confused so i created another account on the internet and added him as a friend a nd i started to chat with him asking him if he had a girl friend which ofcourse he said n0 so i explianed my situation to him as if i was someone else and the advice he give me was to get rid of that fuck buddy because ill be hurting myself at the end when i ask him why guys alays wanna be fb he said that because some women disappoint us and the wound is deep that is why i say how can i gain my fuck buddy love give me advice he u have to love urself first get rid of that person and look for someone who is emotionally stable so i dnt knew if i shud follow his own advice he gave me or keep trying to trick him into been my boyfriend
    any advice will be nice

    Reply to Comment

  • Lou said:

    Omg reading all of these is infuriating! You are all asking the SAME question, over and over again. The little differences in your stories don’t matter – they’re all the same. He wants to fuck you, dumbass. Nothing more. You know how I know? Cuz when you told him how you felt, he didn’t say it back or ask you to be his girlfriend, now did he? But then you don’t stand your ground, and you continue to fuck him. You see these guys have figured out that now that they know you like him, you’ll probably do whatever he wants in a pathetic attempt to win his heart. You wanna know why he treats you this way? BECAUSE YOU ALLOW HIM TO. I went on here hoping to find good advice about turning my fb relationship into a more serious one, but seeing all the fails on here has me convinced it will most likely not happen. But you can bet your ass that if I ever decide to tell him I have feelings for him and he doesn’t reciprocate, I’ll end things. I have too much self respect to let myself feel tortured. I’ve been in MANY relationships in the past, and guess what? While initially it hurts to have one end, I always end up meeting someone else. There are billions of people on this planet – that one guy that won’t commit to you isn’t the last one out there, and he’s obviously not worth the heartache. Good luck ladies, and get your heads outta your asses!

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  • tat said:

    i did this for a year with a guy and even got him to send me flowers on Vday, but it never turned into a relationship. in fact it ended when he told me he hooked up with his ex and realized he had feelings for her. when i asked him if he felt bad he said yes. but for the wrong reason…he felt bad about having feelings for her…not because of guilt that he cheated on me. to him we were NEVER a couple even though we acted like one for a year. it was pretty humiliating and is the reason that from then on ive tried to rush “couple status”

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  • Michele K said:

    Wow I see I’m not the only one. My situation is that me and my f buddy are friends and we have been friends before we had sex. I have liked him for a while and I decided to tell him. When I told him he said that he thought that we should continue to be friends. But then days later he said he had a sexual attraction to me. Initially I’m like screw that I’m worth more than that but then thought maybe I should let it go there to see if I changes anything. A few weeks later he came over after a party and was drunk and we had sex. I should say before I told him I liked him we never talked on a regular basis he didn’t even have my number. After sex we communicate almost everyday. He calls to see how my day is going and sends good morning texts before he goes to work. I’ve tried other things like inviting him to dinner which he accepted but took dinner with him. When we see each other out he hugs me buys me drinks and watches me with other males. So I’m feeling like he is sending me mixed messages. Initially he said no lets stay friends but now he shows me that he thinks about me and that he wants to spend more time with me his words. What I wanna know is am I reading too much into it does he like me or are we just fuck buddies?

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  • Melinda said:

    Hey, I’ve got a similar situation and just want to know if anyone had any advise for me..

    Basically I started dating this guy on new years eve, it was all going magical and perfect he was always being nice would ring/text/call me all the time. He asked to meet my parents and was coming over on a regular basis we were practically going out. Until last week he started acting really cold and distance and I didn’t understand so I kept asking him and texting him calling him which I know see was a big mistake. But at the time it felt like I could because he was practically my boyfriend. One day after this happend he came on facebook and said we needed to talk, I already knew what was coming.. He said he didnt want a relationship and we went too fast too soon and we should stop seeing each other before anyone gets hurt, used the its not you its me line.. then I was so scared of loosing him I offerd the we can be friends with bennifits card! saying it didnt hav to be anything serious that he could see other people as much as I could and we would just be seeing eachother aswell .. The thing is I really like him and I want to be more than this I want to make him fall for me! I do have the advantage that we have not slept together yet but i’ve told him i want to be friends with bennifits so i think that is what he is going to be expecting that we will do .. what should I do?

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  • Marie V said:

    Need Advice. I’ve liked this guy for awhile and we started talking and we ended up agreeing on fwb. We later chilled but no sex or anything big. We haven’t talked for about a week.i really don’t think he wants to be more than fwb but I do. I have no clue if I should text him first and ask if he wants to kick it or tell him how I feel.

    Reply to Comment

    Kristin Reply:

    Hey Marie. Take my advise don’t settle for a fwb situation just because you like this guy and want him in you life. It will only cause you emotional pain and in the end you will be the one hurt. I have been there and trust me it hurts like hell when the guy finally end things. This is what I have learned. When a guy say he is not ready to be in a relationship that means he does not want a relationship with you. Find a guy that loves you more than you love him.

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  • Katie said:

    Hello everyone, I have been having a simmilar problem. I am in love with my best friend. We have been friends for years, both moved off, and then recently moved back to our home town. Since I came back he calls me and wants to see me almost every day. Most of the time it isn’t about sex, we just hang out. We have a blast together basically doing nothing. When I first came back, he had a girlfriend back where he is from. So at first, we were just friends. But then we couldn’t deny the attraction we have for each other. He ended up breaking up with her. He continues to spend nearly every day with me, although now sex is involved. It is GREAT sex, but still it does’nt happen every time. I have completely fallen for him, and I told him this. But he said he didn’t know what to do. He still has feelings for his ex, and he doesn’t want to be with me. Tell me then, why he calls me and wants to see me every day? It’s incredibly confusing, and we have amazing chemistry. So I think he has gotten used to the fact that when he wants to have sex, I’m always all about it. So last night I saw him. We hung out and laughed and talked for hours, and then he wanted to have sex wth me. I told him no. (OMG that was hard to do!) He kept trying and I let him get really turned on and then I said, “Look, I have to go home and go to bed.” He was so so sad and dissapointed, he practically begged me. He couldn’t beleive I said no. I am in love with this guy. I am trying to get hi to see what I’m worth, and at the same time protect myself. Self control is hard and I was so proud of myself for leaving last night, but now what? Did I do the right thing? How long do I keep this up, because I don’t know how long I can?

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  • Casaanova said:

    Lol don’t let this woman mess up your relationship. I’m a guy, and we’re not that oblivious – if I feel like you’re starting to blow me off just to get what you want, that’ll be the last time I talk to you. It won’t even get to the point of you ‘inviting me out for coffee or lunch’.

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  • Anna said:

    Hi I have the same problem. Me and my best friend have known each other for a year now and we started doing it 6 months after the first time we met. We were doing fine after that and we just keep on doing it. He would even say “I love you” every night whenever he calls me. The problem is, right now he’s ignoring me and I asked him why and he said he’s just disappointed that I’m moving and that he had enough of all those things we did in the past which ACTUALLY made him happy.. But yeah, we didnt do it for almost two weeks now, usually everytime I would teased him he would get really excited and ask me to do it with him and now… He doesn’t even care anymore. What should I do?

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  • Will said:

    Okay, so I’m a sophomore in college and last year I met this girl. I started hitting on this girl and we started off great, but once it got serious she admitted she didn’t want me as a boyfriend but shes shared things with me she would never share with anybody else. Next weekend she got the bright idea to be fuck buddies with me and we had sex once, but things got awkward for her and it never happened again. I ended up becoming her best friend and she shares everything with me. She’s got her future all lined up, intends on going to the air-force and then becoming a doctor, along with her already getting straight A’s at the college level and school comes first no matter what. So at the end of summer I moved back to school and shed come and spend all her free time with me and things escalated to us making out and her sleeping over (no sex). Things stopped because she felt like she was using making out and kissing so I would listen to her problems. Then she decided to stop talking to me because she felt she was using me and i have feeling for her. She says I’m the only guy that keeps coming back after things like having sex and her telling me things that would scare other guys away. She knows i have feelings for her and wont date me because she feels i don’t have a full plate, and i don’t take life seriously. And now Mid semester she came over and we wrestled and made out and she wants to be fuck buddies again. I mean i want to fuck but last time it didn’t work because i wanted to be more than fuck buddies and i still want the same thing. should i just start being fuck buddies and tell her ive lost feelings?

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  • Debb said:

    Hi.

    I kind of have a similar problem. I’m in love or almost in love with this guy. However he shall be anonymous. I’ve known this friend for about 4 years now. At the beginning, it was very casual and clean but then as we kept getting to know each other, he would start to make sexual innuendoes and make those sexual “moves” so, I bit and I got hooked. We were both going crazy sexual as in sexting and talking extremely dirty sharing extreme personal information about our “sex life” as in “having special time with yourself”. He doesn’t have a girlfriend, and he talks to me mostly on the computer 24/7. Every single living breathing moment of his life (or almost) he is talking to me on facebook. He even sent me some nude pics of himself! Everything was mutual. Then all of a sudden he says “oh i feel like you want to be more than friends and I quit all the sexual stuff cause you thought I’m leading you on” and I was thinking “Dude! You’re the one sex chatting me and sending nude pics of yourself and all of a sudden you don’t want to commit cause you think I have the impression you’re leading me on!? What did you expect!?” So I got angry with him and I stopped talking to him/ignored him and even deleted him from my facebook. When he found out he made a HUGE deal moaned about it to all his friends and even one of them asked me what had happened all worried as if we had some massive break up even though we were never in a relationship. Anyway a lot of dilemmas and complications later things got back on track with him we started to talk again and we became and stayed really good friend again talking 24/7 as always and as things moved along he started to get heated up again and the innuendoes etc. To the point where he is extreme mega sexual again sending me nude pics and more (and to be honest it’s a big turn on for me I like it a lot) and he loves to hear how turned on i get by his pics and when I end up getting super horny from looking at them, it turns him on even more and he wants to actually have a “fuck buddy” friendship but the thing is I’m getting huge mixed messages from him. He said he didn’t feel that way about me as in being “more” than friends that he didn’t want to give any wrong impression, by not leading me on… and then he’s back to the same sexual persuasion thing with me again in fact it’s even more intense than the way it was before. The nude pics are waaayyy more graphic and he has said some things to me he has never said before like “I’m making more effort and that i don’t NEED to wear makeup but when I do it enhances and it makes me look really hot to other guys (not that it’s a priority to look good for other guys)” [lol] That I look good and that I should try different eye makeup styles cause he thinks it looks really good on me. That I have a lot more confidence than before and that it’s sexy when a girl has confidence….. and so on. So all this “deep” talk and yet he said about a year ago that he didn’t want to be more and whatnot. If he said that then why has he gotten closer to me almost to the point of being a boyfriend. It’s almost like that friendship (or maybe more so) dilemma caused us to get closer? It seems like he’s non committing but he shows all the signs just doesn’t want to admit it. I’m soooo confused. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

    Thanks

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    Elisya Reply:

    Some women are really good at giving advice. But being a woman myself I say dont listen to women/gf advice unless they really know men. (Kaydee) the lady who commented on a few posts, seems to be good at it. Im going to take her advice, since I’m in a similar situation and tired of it.
    My advice to you is if you have a brother/male cousin, any kind of man in your life whom you can turn to with this do it! because usually if you want advice about a guy, it is best to ask a guy. Just my opinion

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  • sirley said:

    sirley
    Reply:
    November 11th, 2012 at 9:25 pm

    hi i met a guy who was anxious to knw me and when we did meet in person we got along so well he kissed me but after that night i took it personal and started to call his house and send him messages that was when i messed up bxuz he started showing less interest in me later he said we shud just be friends bcuz he didnt wantnto complicate things so we had a fight on the internet after that we decided to meet the same day and we slept together ater our first sex he said he still wanted to be friends so i fell horrible and ask him if he didnt like it he replied that i was the best hes had and he loved it but still wanna be friends so i acceped because i didnt want to be used for just once so i decided to trick him to get closer and weve had sex every other two days we started getting closer when he notied that hw was getting closer he told me one day that he had something to tell me n he saidthat his ex ws coming back i dnt knw if it was to chase me away but he añso said am sorry i dnt wanna hurt ur feelings u arew too good for me i dnt deserve u forgive and all that he started to blame himself for been selfish i said it was ok and i decided to trick him into a relationship to keep on having sex with him rite now i only started tlking other issues with him then talking dirty things like before and i notice that he shows more interest in me than before he started to tell me he wish i cld go to his place at night which i said i cant and he sid some sweet things that he never said to me before when we wee fuck friends now i am confused so i created another account on the internet and added him as a friend a nd i started to chat with him asking him if he had a girl friend which ofcourse he said n0 so i explianed my situation to him as if i was someone else and the advice he give me was to get rid of that fuck buddy because ill be hurting myself at the end when i ask him why guys alays wanna be fb he said that because some women disappoint us and the wound is deep that is why i say how can i gain my fuck buddy love give me advice he u have to love urself first get rid of that person and look for someone who is emotionally stable so i dnt knew if i shud follow his own advice he gave me or keep trying to trick him into been my boyfriend
    any advice will be nice

    Reply to Comment

  • Lady said:

    Hey guys, i’m not sure if anyone checks on here anymore. I just really need some advice, I’ve been having sex with my roommates best friend for about 2 months now, it started off as more of a ‘friends with benefits’ type of situation. Well a couple days ago when I was out partying with him my roommate and a bunch of other people, he admitted to me he really likes me a lot. After him bugging me he finally got me to admit that I like him too. I really do like him a lot and we have had a lot of really intimate conversations together and I love spending time with him. He mentioned that night while we laid in bed, that he thinks he’s too busy for a relationship, I didn’t even bring up ‘relationship’ so I don’t know why he bothered to tell me at all if that’s the case. It’s true he is very busy going to university everyday etc so i completely understand that. I said I understood and I wasn’t expecting anything of that nature. I lied of course, i’m a woman I can’t help myself… I like him so of course I want to take things to the next level, whether it’s a good idea or not i’m not even sure. I’m wondering if you guys have any advice for how I would go about taking it to the next level. The morning after that night he asked me when I was free, then asked me if I wanted to go see the beautiful Christmas lights at the park. That’s supposed to be happening in 2 days, I of course am expecting the worst because I don’t want to get hurt so who knows if we’re still going to do that. I don’t want to come across as needy, obsessed or annoying. There’s nothing more unattractive than a girl that seems too available and is willing to date just anyone. What are some good tactics to get this guy to want to date me regardless of whether or not he’s busy!? I’m not going to ask him or even hint, NO WAY. One more question, I am going to be hanging out with other guys going on dates etc. I’m sure he will find out about these things because I will post photos in order to make him jealous haha, and I will tell my roommate in hopes he will tell his friend (the guy I like) but when the guy I like asks if I hook up with whoever it is that I hangout with (he will definitely ask this, he already has even about guys that are only friends) If I do hook up with someone and he asks, do I admit to it? or do I just tell him that we only had a good night kiss so he doesn’t 1.think i’m a slut and 2.get insanely upset … I need a good balance here people, he needs to get jealous and want me but at the same time not think i’m easy as hell! Sorry there’s multiple questions, simply put: How do I get him to date me and how much information do I give him when he asks about other guys?

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  • Introubleagain said:

    Hey there, okay..

    So I do this whole Fuck Buddy thing.. Alot.. and now after spending one night with this one guy… okay, met me after work.. we’ve known each other for years. He does wrestling and things, but we have same music taste, and we had about an hour/2 conversation over so many different things.. Which to be honest, I am like chat then get bored. But every word.. I was hanging onto. And the sex.. was different. So I now don’t want to lose that feeling, So I am trying to play it cool. But from going to the fuck-buddy to the wanna-be girlfriend. UGh….

    Any advice?

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    too many sluts, take more care of your body and stop giving the goods up day one ffs

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  • Gee said:

    I have been seeing a guy for 7 months now, he works offshore 5 weeks on then has 5 weeks at home. When he’s away I wake up every morning with a message from him and we will speak on and off throughout the day until one of us goes to sleep, which makes me think he does have feelings for me but a few months ago he got back from work after 5 weeks of messaging everyday and the first thing he says is I don’t want anything serious which I said was fine. When he’s back we see each other often not just for sex, we go shopping, he takes me out or we just chill out. I’m so confused as to what he wants now! I have feelings for him and would like whatever we’re doing to turn into a relationship but I don’t want to put myself out there again to be shot down. What do I do?!

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