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Two Options of Break-Up

24 July 2010 One Comment

Hey Robby!
I’m German so excuse me, if my spelling is not all well. 3 months ago, I met
a guy that I started seeing. We didn’t have sex the first night, but then we
did, and it’s amazing. And good sex is important to me, and I guess I over
the past three months have developed feelings for him. I haven’t told him, as
I dont feel it is reciprocated. He is not too eager to see me all the time,
and he has slowed down his interest. He doesn’t play games and hasn’t promised
me anything. But, now I was told he has been chatting a girl up I know, on
FB. He knows I’m not friends with her, but he must know we know the same
people. The girl doesn’t know about me, as I have kept a low profile and the
friend we have in common hasn’t said anything. They haven’t gone out, and she
isn’t interested in him. Also, he has said he wanted to keep a low profile.
And I guess I know why, as he is busy with other girls. Fine, I kinda
figured that, but now that it is too close to comfort for me, I’m thinking of
breaking it off. What do I do? Tell him I know, ignore him or turn him down
as in no thanks to hanging out? He is 25 I’m 35, and I know he doesn’t have a
steady gf. It makes me not feel very special, and in order to see someone I
want to feel special either way. I feel that I should let it go, as I don’t
see it going anywhere but sex, I just dont know how to do it, in the best
way, so I don’t seem like a pathetic girl. He is really nice, and he is not
a player in that sense. So I could probably tell him I know, but is that
wise?
He lives for the most part in Holland, so has invited me, now that the
summer is over and he is back to his job, where he spends alot of time.

Hope for an answer soon. You’re awesome.

It wouldn’t be wise oto lay all your cards out in front of him and tell him that you are breaking things off because of the other girl. This will show defeat on your part, but it really depends on how you want to end things. For instance, there are one of two ways you can approach this break up without seeming like the mean girl while at the same time keeping your self-respect.

Option 1

It has only been 3 months so you don’t really owe him much of an explanation, so you can play it cool and just make him see that the relationship you’ve shared hasn’t been too special for you and it isn’t difficult for you to just move on. You can begin acting a little harder to get in touch with, but each time you talk do not lose the cheerfulness in your voice. If he asks if there is anything wrong and questions why you haven’t been returning all his calls or haven’t been calling him as often, just tell him everything is perfect then try to change the subject. Make sure not to act cold, because that will just show him that you are mad at him for something yet are too stubborn to admit it, and that is just childish. Instead, be nice and enthusiastic, but just reach out to him less. And if he akss for you to come see him, say you cannot that day because you have plans. Do not reveal your plans, since that will keep him wondering if you have in fact found someone new and that is why you have been paying less attention to him. Eventually he will get the message and gradually stop calling you altogether. This option is good if you do not want to break things off on a bad note but at the same time you will most likely not remain friends this way. However, you will have the upper hand in the gradual falling apart of your fuck buddy relationship.

Option 2

Here you will have to play the age card. You’re older than him so you must act like this was all just fun for you and nothing more. The next time he calls to ask you out or whatnot, just tell him you don’t think it’s a good idea. This may involve some extra, unnecessary drama, but it will be quick like tearing off a bandaid. It doesn’t matter if you do it in person or over the phone, because 1) you’re not a formal couple but only 3-month long fuck buddies, and 2) you show him that this wasn’t that serious for you. Tell him that you’re not sure if you want this to continue anymore and it’s been fun while it lasted but you feel that you are looking for something else at this point in your life. He may feel a little bad about you making it seem like you used him and are just as easily moving on, but at least you will come out as the unaffected one.

So depending on how you want to end it, I would suggest one of those options. If you want to make it easy on yourself then option two is best, but if you want to let him down easy then try out the first option.

One Comment »

  • German girl said:

    Thanks! I actually sent him an email. Couldnt wait for your answer, sorry. But ive read it and will keep reading your site and listen to what you told me for future ref.
    I wrote short that I thought we should end it, as I didnt see it going anywhere. And i had the best of times with him and wished him the best. He called me after that, to tell me that he didnt undestand why I would break it off over email. I told him as it was, that he hadnt sent me his new number as planned so I wasnt able to call him. We talked for 10 minutes and I was sweet as a pie. Not needy, but nice. He asked me to call him, if i changed my mind. And I said, sure. Which I havent. Changed my mind or called.
    He called again, later that day, to make sure I wasnt mad at him. Thats probably an age-thing. Not sure. But again I was nice and that was that.
    Thanks Robby for your help 😉


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