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Understanding Fuck Buddies

21 April 2012 No Comment

Hello Robby, I could use your advice, I have been happily a FB for the last 3
years with a guy I met as I’d just came out of divorce. Initially I did the
typical woman on the rebound thing, and fell in love with my buddy. But he sat
me down and explained the rules and we’ve been fine ever since. Until a couple
of weeks ago, we got up a heated steam of passion and for the first time, fucked
without a condom. It was accidental, but incredible. I didn’t think too much
about it as in terms of pregnancies he’s snipped and I’m coiled. STIs are
covered as we get ourselves checked regularly. I’m exclusive so I know I’m safe,
we never talk about other relationships – not my business, nor is it his. I
should add that the reason why I’m exclusive is that I’m busy, run my own
business and don’t have the time or capacity for any serious relationship right
now, maybe sometime in the future, but not yet. There is a problem I need to nip
in the bud…we had unprotected sex again a couple nights ago…and I liked it.
Now I’m annoyed at myself as I’m going into emotional connection mode again and
need to get back to the raw, straightforward sex we had before riding bareback
reared it’s lovely head. So I could just produce a packet of condoms the next
time. My FB didn’t seem at all worried about being free- I know he’s a bloke
and that’s what most prefer…but I’m taken by surprise at his laid back
attitude to this development as he was the most insistent and uptight person
that we started using condoms in the first place. I’m curious though, I know I
just should ask him… but what could possibly be going on in his head, from a
blokes perspective? Spirit.

It’s nice that you two had a conversation about the rules of a friends with benefits, even though I hate calling them rules. Either way though, I think it’s a good idea for people to bring it up to not get many confusions, or at least avoid confusions for as long as possible. Feelings spark non-intentionally, but we’re all human so we cannot control that too much even though it goes against the rules. Now, the reason why he was against having sex raw before was probably because he did not feel the same connection to you as he does now. And when a man is getting into a friend with benefits relationship, he does not want to try anything that may complicate that. Now, however, you two have tried it and the passion has ignited a new phase in your relationship. I’m not saying that he’s completely open to trying something more than keeping it simple as FBs, but he might be. Sex without a condom, from a male’s perspective, is much more pleasurable and intimate, though I don’t suggest it too often unless you two are certain there is no STI’s or fears of pregnancies. But when a couple is exclusive then it may not be too bad of an idea to try it out–it really does elevate the relationship and elate the couple as the sexual experience becomes much more sensual.

The best time to discuss things of that nature with him would probably be after sex when you two are thinking logically and without the heat of the moment when you are just getting into sex. Be casual about it and ask what he thinks about the fact that you two stopped using condoms. And though you are right that you shouldn’t discuss other relationships that he may be in just to discover certain things about STIs and the like. He probably is feeling a lot more comfortable with you at this point since he is so at ease when sleeping with you raw.

It depends on the guy, but having sex without a condom is quite a big step in any relationship, so if you said he was uptight before and now he is very open to it then you two have developed a trusting bond. I personally do not think it is something that a formal relationship is ready to be formed yet but if you continue on this path then you two will share an intimate FB relationship for many more years.

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