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We’re Fuck-Buddies. Stop Trying to Date Me.

7 August 2010 5 Comments

Hey Robby,

I found your articles about fuck buddies very informative!

I was recently in a fuck buddy relationship with a guy I picked up while
partying one night. I didn’t know him at all prior to this and we agreed
right from the start that it would only be a physical relationship.

Our hook-ups lasted about 5 months and during the last month and a half, he
started sending mixed signals. For example, he asked me if I would miss him
because he was going away on vacation. He also asked me why I was so cold
to him and why I had to be so “tough” around him.

I thought that you’re not suppose to talk about the emotional stuff with a
fuck buddy? I even told him bluntly that I didn’t care what he did as long
as he didn’t give me an STD.

Then last week, he told me he was going to come for sex one night but didn’t
end up coming, I don’t know if he’s playing hard to get or whatever. He had
always come every other time when he said he would.

I don’t know what his motives are for acting shady like this, if he’s trying
to hook me in so that I would want more from him or if he actually started
liking me.

Anyways, I was totally fine with our arrangement until he started playing
these games. Wtf is this guy doing?!

I would love a guy’s perspective (my girlfriends are not helpful, they keep
telling me he likes me now).

Thanks, I would really appreciate your advice.

I think your friends may be right that he had started to like you a little bit more than just a fuck buddy. He began to cancel on your sex dates just to try and lure you in more. He thinks that if he plays a little bit like he doesn’t care for you then you may want him more. However, he makes mistakes when he says things like “Won’t you miss me while I’m on vacation” and falls back into the trap of revealing to you that he wants to take things to another level. He sends out mixed signals to try and confuse you a little bit, because he thinks that way you will rethink your entire arrangement and may end up falling for him in return. It is very typical that fuck buddy relationships fall through not only when one of the partners begins to catch feelings, but when the honesty code is broken. I personally believe that formal relationships sometimes have more game play involved than fuck buddy relationships, because once you’ve set up the guidelines that your relationship will be strictly physical then there should not be any surprises that become present when emotions are involved. It is emotions that tend to get couples to feel jealousy or love or even hatred and that is when irrational acts are performed. His mind is currently polluted with emotions and he is trying to play some sort of game with you in an attempt to make you like him more.

You shall act like the rational one of the two and once again make him feel more grounded. A small comment can go a long distance in these situations. The next time he says something cheeky like “won’t you miss me”, which of course has a grain of genuine interest on his part, respond in a more harsh fashion: “Why would I? It’s not like we’re dating.” or “Why would I? It’s just sex, ain’t it?” This will put him in his place and make him think about the game he has been trying to play with you, and in turn make him realize that you haven’t been playing along and you haven’t bitten into his bait. He may get slightly cold and ‘hart-broken’, but it’s part of bringing him back to reality of the fact that you aren’t willing to break or go beyond the initial arrangement that you have set-up.

5 Comments »

  • Stop trying to date me said:

    Thanks for your response Robby! You were very thorough and helpful! I guess I was hoping that the guy didn’t like me, that’s why I didn’t want to believe it.

    I’m very surprised because I thought that men loved having sex with no strings arrangement? Is it common for men to change their minds part way through? I feel a bit discouraged about engaging in another fuck buddy relationship.

    The game playing on his part is turning me off, I don’t know how he thinks that would make me like him more. Maybe it’s time to cut him? Fuck buddies are suppose to be drama-free!

  • Robby G (author) said:

    @Stop Trying to Date Me: I’ve been noticing that there are more and more men out there that do get emotional even though they have agreed to keeping it purely physical. I’m sure there are men out there, and I’m basing this on me for the most part, who know how to handle fuck buddy relationships and realize that emotions shouldn’t be wasted when you’ve agreed to being just fuck buddies. If you’re feeling that he’s keen on getting you to be more than what you currently are and there is too much drama, then it might be time to find someone else that won’t try to date you when he’s agreed to keep it sexual. Good luck.

  • Star said:

    OMG!! I was doing great in the whole FB realm but to my surprise my current FB starting throwing out comments that actually reeled me in and now I’m having a difficult time figuring this shit out. He got jealous, compared me to other girls, etc. Now I’m drama asking Robby, does he have feelings or not do I lol! My FB relationship has more drama than a bunch of high school girls! Its just going to get more confusing if you don’t end it. With my first FB there was no drama I still talk to him but no hook-ups although its there if I need it! Good luck!

  • Stop trying to date me said:

    Star:

    NOOOO, don’t let your FB crack you! What assholes huh? They say that stuff on purpose to get you to like them! Just be as cold as ice…that’s what I’ve been doing.

  • star said:

    I know!!! This current guy I’ve been friends with for a few years. Looking back now, he came on to me first. It was never a discussion that our arrangement was too be fuck buddies it just happened and has continued for a year. I think he like Robby said doesn’t know what he wants. So after reading your post and others I’m going to take out the emotions and be straight to the point, its just sex so let’s get to it. I think it threw him off! Thanks for the encouragement!! But really, its interesting how some guys are drama and others are not. I’m starting to think the ones that are have become emotionally involved!


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