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What are His Intentions?

11 December 2010 One Comment

I’ve known this guy for years. I was always attracted to him but just a
couple of months ago started openly flirting with him. He showed some
interest as well, so we exchanged emails and started talking. When I asked
him what he wanted he said ‘sex’ and when I said I had no problem with that
he answered ‘but can you managed to not get attached’? I understood that he
just wanted to be fuck-buddies and I agreed since such an arrangement is
convenient for me as well.
Since we started seeing each other, however, he’s started making me think
maybe he wants something else. He cuddles me, holds my hands, cups my head.
He almost always looks like he wants to kiss me and lately has even started
making games out of trying to kiss me. What’s more there are occasions where
he gets very serious, almost like he’s going to say something important,
then he’ll just stop and make a joke or something. The other day he even
started talking to me about what I wanted regarding marriage, children,
etc.
What makes it doubly confusing for me is the fact that he IS a guy I could
have a relationship with, but because of what he’s said I’m staying
emotionally distant. I don’t know whether or not to let him act this way or
tell him to keep things strictly business.


It’s impressive to see someone who has such control over her emotions and I salute you for it. Many people are incapable of such control especially when they were feeling some emotional attraction to the person before they began the fuck buddy relationship. In the present situation, if you want him as a boyfriend or even if you want him to stay your fuck buddy then I think it’s just best to not act on anything and allow him to keep playing his games. I am not certain if he wants to be your boyfriend or not, but it appears that he is trying to at least get you to crack and tell him that you want something more serious. This does not necessarily mean that he wants something serious from you, it just means that he would like to know that he can have you as his girlfriend anytime he wants. So the best thing for you to do is to keep doing what you’re doing and not give him that satisfaction by either talking about it or building it up to a point where there is no other alternative but to discuss the idea of a relationship. You yourself aren’t certain if you want to allow him to keep acting this way or to get back to keeping things strictly business.

Right now you can take things either way you want, but I believe it would be most beneficial for you to just continue on the way you have been and not give him the satisfaction of being able to read what it is exactly that you want. Take his advancements with a grain of salt and do not act on them too much and see if he amps up his attempts to take your relationship to the next level. If after sometime you notice that he continues to pursue your interest in getting into a serious relationship then you can go forth with it and simply ask him if all of his actions were meant to seduce you into something more serious than a fuck buddy relationship. Just don’t make it sound threatening, and once he admits to it, tell him you’re interested in being his girlfriend. And then take it from there.

One Comment »

  • Original Poster said:

    Hi, OP here.
    Thanks, for your reply. First I’d like to say that I thought restraining myself would be the best way to go, since coming on too strong could not only scare him away but ruin my chances of even being his friend. Also, I thought letting him do things at his own pace would leave room for him to develop feelings for me.
    I took your advise and we’ve been FWBs for about 6 months now. And I really get the feeling he’s getting more emotionally involved. He’s getting jealous if I mention other guys (once he got drunk and begged me to stay with him, but I don’t know if I should take that seriously), I ended up spending most of Christmas and New Years with him because he asked me to. He’s even been bugging me to go on vacation with him. These all seem like signals that he’s interested in having a more personal relationship, and are supported by the fact that he doesn’t seem interested in other women (the other day I was shocked when a crowd of scantily clad girls started hitting on him in a shop and he walked away with me after calling them whores xD ), which is weird because previously he’d been a horndog. Even his friends have commented on the change.
    Trouble is, neither of us has said anything regarding where we are, etc. So I don’t know where I am and he doesn’t seem to know either. I’m nervous of saying something in case I’m completely wrong, but at the same time I don’t want to just assume we’re progressing and waste both of our time. I feel like I should be pushing him to say something, but at the same time I don’t want to pressure him. How long do you think is too long? Do you think I should just give him an ultimatum?

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