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What’s Your Relationship Status?

17 December 2011 No Comment

I’ve been friends with this guy for a while, we hung out Friday night and we
watched tv and then he started to kiss me, later on I went home. The next day he
sent a text asking if I wanted to come stay the weekend, I said sure..I got there,
he introduce me to his dad and his dad’s friend, then his friend and friend’s gf came
over and he introduce us. Later on he took me to a few more of his friends and
introduced us, most the time he would call me “old girl” when he
introduced me, all together I met 13 people over the weekend. (i mite add his
friends have a weird sense of humor) but all his friends and family were calling
me his girlfriend and he didn’t say nothing he went along with it, then Me and
him took his friends gf to a Couple places and we sit in the car and waited for
her. We were talking I was joking around and said you know everyone is calling
me your girlfriend he said yea I know. The next day we were hanging with his two
friends and they were joking around about threesomes and being silly, later on
that day I went home then he texted me and asked what about a threesome? I said
no he said that sucks do you have a friend? I said really?! He asked if that
was ok I said no it wasn’t. If I didn’t have any kind of feelings I wouldn’t have
drove all the way there to hang out and I sure in the hell wouldn’t have had sex
(I know tmi) he said I didn’t know that I said it don’t make a difference now he
then asked why I liked him I told him. Then he said that’s cool I’m just not
ready for a relationship for other reasons, but I do think you’re pretty cool. I
said yea, well is me having feelings going to stop us from hanging out he said
no I just want another buddy. I never wrote back. The next day he texted me
what’s up like nothing had happen the night before?! I wrote back to him then
the next day he wrote and said what’s up I said nothing he said nothing
wondering if your coming over I said were you joking the other night? He said
“Maybe, why?” I Said “just wondering” then he asked Again if I was able to come over
well I did go over and when I got there he was in the dark with his friend
watching a movie. I went to sit next to him it was quite he moved closer to me so
we wouldn’t be on each end of the couch and then after the movie his friend was
picking another one and I got my phone out and looked at him and asked what the
hell was this about he said idk lol I asked were you playing around or what. He
said “maybe”. I said “I’m looking for a yes or no”. He said “yes”, then I
didn’t say nothing and started watching tv. After the movie he made a spot on the
floor for us to sleep I said “You want me to stay the night?” He said “it
don’t matter” I said “ok”. I went to the bathroom and came back he turned all the
lights off and was on the floor so I just got down there with him he put his arm
around me and didn’t try nothing the whole night then we got up that morning and
he was getting ready for work and I was going home. Before I left I said please
don’t send me any More texts like that he said ok soo I haven’t heard from him
all day.. Him, his family and friends said they would see me this weekend so i don’t know
what to do please help!!!

Right from the start, he sounds immature and confused. I feel like even if you said “yes” to the text about having a threesome, he wouldn’t know how to take it and say he was kidding. It was frustrating to read how you described him, so I can just imagine how frustrating it may be talking to this guy in real life. I personally don’t think he cares too much about you, and if he does then he surely does not show it and actually shows the opposite. If you think back on the sort of things he does and says, it’s clear that he must be having a laugh at your expense or he really thinks badly of you. I don’t see what the appeal is in this guy for you, but I think you may want to reconsider your relationship with him. He makes things really confusing for both you and himself as well. He’s playing a game which is hard to read, and if he IS interested in you then the only way he shows it is by saying that he doesn’t mind you hanging out with him, rather than showing some initiative and asking you out in a respectful manner.

I know that guys do make mistakes, and guys do act differently at times when they are with their friends, but there are limits that you should probably set. It may be best for you to be a little bit more assertive when speaking with him and whenever he does something you do not like or appreciate, don’t be afraid to call him on it. If he ever texts something inappropriate and it doesn’t sound humorous to you, either ignore him or just straight up tell him that you don’t find it funny. If you want him to like you, you have to get him to respect you first, because without respect he will either just be indifferent to you or will view you as no one to take seriously. When you said, “I’m looking for a straight yes or no”, it was an example of you being strict with him and that’s the sort of thing you have to do more of. Show him that he cannot slide everything off as a joke and that you won’t be there for him every time he wants you to be. He seems a little dense in that respect so silence doesn’t seem to cut it much, and saying some concerns out loud to him is probably a much better move than just staying silent I think.

Another reason why he talks to you like a friend rather than anyone more special is because you two never communicate on levels that would create a bond beyond friendship. You had a chance to elaborate what you two feel for each other when you brought up that his family and friends are referring to you two as bf/gf, but you didn’t. It would be wise to talk things over when there is a chance and ask him why he constantly wants you to hang, doesn’t mind that people call you his girlfriend and he sleeps with his hand around you, but doesn’t want anything more serious. Tell him your real expectations and see what he says. If he says that he doesn’t want a relationship again then I don’t think you should force him to change his mind and simply begin searching for someone else who will be willing to start a relationship with you if that is what you’re currently looking for.

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