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When Friends with Benefits Want a Little Too Much

24 January 2012 One Comment

hey Robby. I’ve been seeing my fuck buddy Nelson for a couple months now, and
we’ve been fuck buddies since the beginning. I’ve never had a fuck buddy
relationship I’m not sure what to expect. We meet a couple times a week at least,
and for the past two weeks I’ve been staying at his house as a guest, and the
two weeks before I was there almost every night and gone in the afternoon or
evening and picked up later that night again. He has found out about two of my
other fuck buddies and has gotten mad and said he wanted to end this but both
times I’ve talked to him about it and talked him out of it. You can tell he’s
insecure about it, but whats the insecurity in friends with benefits? And
well tonight was the night I left after the two weeks, he was sleeping and my
brother was coming to pick me up because had work in the morning & I went to
kiss him goodbye and tell him I was leaving, he jumped up and got mad. We’ve
been fighting over Facebook for 4 hours and he blocked me and unblocked me &
I just need to know what I could to make it right? like I really care about him
and he was starting to talk about taking me out, doing stuff with me &
potentially moving and calling stuff ‘ours’ using ‘we’ before he never
did. I really care about him, I really don’t want to lose him, so please help me!

Finding a friend with benefits isn’t always the hard part. It’s keeping them as friends with benefits that is usually where things become difficult. We as humans are emotional creatures and we often begin to like and even feel passionately possessive even before we may date a person. And I don’t mean that in a negative way, we are all capable of falling for someone and usually we don’t want them to be with anyone else except for us. So when sex is involved, we as emotional creatures begin to feel even more connected with the person we like. It’s natural that sometimes when we are unprepared mentally to isolate our emotions in order to continue a strictly physical relationship with someone, we begin to show signs of jealousy and we get angry when the other person isn’t expressing the same emotions in return but instead is able to control herself and keep other friends with benefits on the side.

Don’t Agree to Anything You’ll Regret

If you’re certain that you don’t want anything serious with Nelson, then you cannot allow him to get the impression that there is a chance of anything beyond what you two currently share. Even though you care for him, you cannot let him think that there is a chance of a relationship developing from this arrangement. If he begins to assume that you are just as willing to start something formal with him then things will simply not end well. And since he is more of the emotional one in this situation, you must be the sober-minded one and be a little more harsh with him.

Whenever he begins to throw angry comments at you because you aren’t sleeping over or for whatever other reason, you have to confront him on it. Don’t go overboard, but let him know that he knew what sort of arrangement this all was and that he’s not acting fair by trying to make you feel guilty or look unsympathetic to his wants. Try to turn the tables on him a little by showing him your side of things. Start by telling him that you’re not ready nor willing to begin any formal relationship, and then if you notice that he’s still angry with you, just tell him that you’re sorry that he feels the way he does about everything and it’s probably best that you two don’t continue the “fuck buddy” relationship. That he should have known it was all for fun and he shouldn’t have turned it into anything more. Even though he may be very cold at that moment, he will most likely say that he wouldn’t like to stop the arrangement you have, or he will allow you to break it all off and soon after will get over you. It’s important, however, that he understands that there won’t be anything between you, and he needs the right amount of separation time from you to begin to feel like his old self again. Because if he does continue to see you and you continue to sleep with each other, his emotions will continue to grow for you, and his anger will grow just as much if he knows that you continue to see other men on the side and aren’t willing to give him a chance to date you.

Something I Did… That I Should Have Avoided

I had a “friends with benefits” at one point who began to like me as something more and wanted to have a relationship with me. We were friends with benefits for a short amount of time (3 or 4 months), but in that time frame, we hung out quite a bit and it was enough for her to take a real liking to me. The problem was that she was never straight up with me about her feelings, and kept getting mad at me if I didn’t spend the night or didn’t want to meet for dates. I could sense that her feelings towards me elevated, and on top of that, her frustrations elevated too because I wasn’t willing to start anything serious with her. The mistake I made was that I myself tip-toed around the issue and never really confronted her on it and told her that though I do care for her, we wouldn’t work out and it was probably best for us to take a little break from what we were doing.

Instead, we kept screwing around and eventually I knew that the fact that we both didn’t state our desires was what killed our relations and made her despise me. She was the only friend with benefits who I do not talk to to this day and I learned a lot from it. And ever since then if I see that my friend with benefits is interested in something more and I am not interested in the same thing then I make sure to tell them, because it is the lack of communication that destroys friendships and all other forms of relationships.

Please let me know in the comment section how you’ve handled a friend with benefits who begins to feel love for you?

One Comment »

  • Elena said:

    ‘Don’t Agree to Anything You’ll Regret”~ its a golden rule, even being in a relationship its really something to be practice. Regret cannot be bring all the way in your life. So think first, so you will not regret things.

    Elena from préparation de cire orientale 

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