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When’s a Relationship Not So Healthy?

3 July 2009 3 Comments

Why do men always feel the need to control every situation in the

relationship?… Is that a healthy relationship?

Abusive relationship… Rach

Now to make things clear off the bat, I believe any abusive relationship can’t be a healthy one. Of course, unless you’re practising some type of sedistic or masachistic moves in the bedroom for kicks then it’s all cool and the gang if you’re both into that kinda stuff, but if he’s taking it to the next level and being abusive just to get his anger out then there’s a problem in the relationship. You ask why men always feel the need to control every situation in a relationship, but I have to correct you. It’s why ‘certain’ men feel the need to control every situation in a relationship, because the fact is there are many men that not only don’t want to control things in the relationship but find it too damn tiresome to do that. I personally know that I’m the mellowest guy when it comes to relationships. When I conduct business I want to know every single detail of every single transaction, but when it comes to getting into a relationship, I see it as something that I feel the need to get into in order to unwind and enjoy my time with the woman. If I can’t let her act on her own and express her own feelings and thoughts and actions in the relationship then there’s no point in that relationship.

So the Question Still Remains: Why Do Some Men Feel the Need to Control?

Men that have that urge to control every detail in the relationship have certain insecurities in themselves or trust issues with their woman. This sometimes can be solved by talking to your man about those issues. I would definitely have to say that it’s unhealthy to have a man that will constantly question you in everything you do or everywhere you go. I know some women like the jealous type, but it may sometimes get out of control and it may turn into the abusive relationship you made note of.

He Reacts to Your Acts

His will to control things may be the cause of your actions. If the woman gives the man reason to distrust her and act over-protective of her or control every detail in the relationship, then it may be time to reassess your own self. Try to understand what sort of things you say or do make him tick or want to start controlling certain aspects of what you do. Your actions may cause those abusive reactions in him. This definitely is not always the cause, but it is something worth assessing when in a relationship with a person you deeply care about. If, however, you notice he is constantly trying to take control and doesn’t allow you the freedom you believe you require then it may be a good idea to discuss those feelings with him.

I personally don’t believe that unless my beloved other cheats on me that I need to resort to violence. I even try to test her at times to see if she bites the bait just to see if she is trusthworty. Nevertheless, try to understand why he feels the need to control every situation in the relationship and attempt to fix the problem from its core. Sometimes, however, I’m sorry to say, it really depends on the characterstic of that person and how he was brought up. So I hope that helps and thanks for submitting the question, Rach.


  • Leesa said:

    Any abusive relationship should not be tolerated and if things get out of hand you should break it up as soon as possible. But good advice.

  • Sandra Celibataire said:

    i don’t mind all the time this desire of men to be in control…it can be reassuring sometime. But I can’t stand physical violence and this has nothing to do with control, more with the lack of control!
    .-= Sandra Celibataire´s last blog ..Et le lendemain… =-.

  • Robby G (author) said:

    Control can of course be reassuring in women. It is when the relationship becomes abusive that things need to be reassessed.

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