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Why Not Just Leave Me Alone?

25 December 2011 No Comment

My ex And I were together For 7 years. He broke it off with me for someone else.
It’s been two years since we split and since then we have been sleeping together
off and on. We have three kids together so we always see each other.
After the break up I guess you can say we became fwb. While being fwb he said
he was talking to someone and she was celibate and they weren’t serious. As time
goes by he gets married which I didn’t know. Till one day his pregnant wife came
to drop my children off, telling me they are married and that she knows I still
want him. To stop calling him and I better leave him alone. So I tell her that I
had no idea that they were even together. I also didn’t know they were engaged.
I didn’t really know his girl. I just knew her brother who’s close friends with
my cousin.
Her brother would always talk about how he was happy for his sister. Because she
such a good Christian woman and how she finally found someone Etc.. I asked her
what my ex says about me when they first got together. How long have they been
together and married. They have been together a few weeks after we broke up and
married for 8 months. I tell her my ex is a liar and that we’ve been sleeping
around since. What I couldn’t understand was he dumped me for whatever reasons.
I wasn’t what he wanted at the time and I’m not now. So why keep sleeping
together. Especially now that he’s recently gotten married–why not just leave me
alone?

It could just be that he feels like he made a huge mistake in leaving you and without admitting to himself that he regrets it, he continues to see you while simultaneously lying to both you and his current wife. And to add insult to injury he goes and gets married, which is just his way to make himself feel like he did not do the wrong thing in leaving you. But the more he digs, the more he goes into a state of self-deception and denial. I personally believe that he does not want to be far from you and he is still very much in love with you, but he cannot come to bear the fact that he made such a big mistake in ruining something that was going so well.

You say that he claimed that you weren’t what he wanted then and you aren’t what he wants now, yet he keeps coming back to you. There is obviously some attraction to you and it could either be a conscious or subconscious one for him, but still there is an attraction. It’s terrible how it’s continuing to manifest itself, because it is negatively affecting your life, his wife’s life, and his own life as well. If you see him again, you should really open up and confront him on the entire situation. Ask him why he left you, why he lied and continues to lie, and how he expect everything to end. These scenarios never end well, because usually there is much heartache and sometimes a broken home. You must get closure from him by just talking things out, but at the same time you don’t want to get too deep into things where you cause irreversible damage to his relationship and to yourself.

Ask yourself what it is you want to gain out of seeing him or out of continuing to have him in your life. Obviously he will always be there and you cannot completely alienate him from you life due to your kids, but at least you can make things as easy as possible for yourself. You must not fear being brutally honest with him, and tell him what it is that is exactly on your mind. The fact that you do not tell him directly how this is affecting you will not sit well in the future, so it is in your best interest to have a discussion with him the next time there is a chance.


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