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You Can’t Put Emotions Behind a Cage

8 April 2010 No Comment

Hi Robby,

Hello! I just want to ask about my present situation with my fuck buddy. I could call him my fuck buddy, because I met him over a year ago and since then we never stopped communicating to each other until now. Our first meeting was cancelled then I changed it to another day, but all he wanted was sex only, no emotion involved between us. He was a really nice guy, treated me nicely, and taught me everything about sex, because before i met him I was not very experienced in it. I cannot even count how many times we met already. We usually meet up before or after my work, because his place and my working place are quite near. I do enjoy his company and after sex we do talk, cuddle, and hug like we are in real relationship. Usually after our session I leave his place after 30 minutes or so, but lately I don’t like leaving that early anymore.
I use his house things, never shy around him anymore. For example, before we never took a bath together, but now he is the one who want us to take baths together. I just feel that something is different between us now than before and we do care about each other now. When we meet up, I always bring him something, he is very thankful for that, and before he used to tell me about the women he met, but now he never brings up that topic anymore. I don’t know if he is still
meeting other girls. I miss him whenever I don’t see him, is this a sign
that we are falling for each other now, because I really just don’t want to be in a real relationship. Before im usually the one who says “see you soon”, but now no more. He is the one who tell me that …. this thing always mixed up my mind, i really don’t know what are we now? can you help me figure out my problem. Before I leave his pad, he always hugs me very very tight, kisses me all over, which makes me happy, but I’m really not sure what we are ….. please help me, thanks.


cuddles
Well, it seems like you’ve become involved deeper than just a fuck-buddy. I’d say that yes, you’re definitely liking him more than before and all of the things you’ve outlined point in the direction of newly developed emotions toward him. The thing I must say, however, is that though you may be into him now (even though you may not want it) you should be careful before you get more commited. You have expressed that he does explicitly show forms of affection that may go beyond the realm of a fuck-buddy relationship such as cuddling and ceasing to discuss other women that may or may not be in his life at this point, but he also does not seem to be showing any signs of deeper interest that would make me think that he wants to start a serious relationship with you. These mixed emotions he may be showing could be based on the mixed emotions that you show him. You have recently went from just feeling like a fuck-buddy to expressing newly developed emotions toward him, and he may feel uncomfortable to completely ignore the affection you show him, therefore he may just be being nice not to hurt your feelings by somewhat reciprocating your kindness.

Enjoy it While it Lasts

You say that you enjoy it when he is caring and loving towards you, when he hugs and kisses you spontaneously and passionately, yet you are not too interested in a relationship, and on top of that, you are confused of what type of ‘relations’ you currently share. Speaking from experience, I have to say that it never really matters what you call it, whether you’re fuck-buddies, dating, in a serious relationship, or whatever else, all that matters is the feeling you get when you spend time with him. Sometimes these relationships can be extremely ambiguous and confusing, but that should not stop you from enjoying what you have. My main advice would be to stop worrying about what you should say to other people if they ask you if you have a boyfriend or not, and instead have fun with it for the time being.

What Does He Think of Me?

Of course, if you are still in great desperation to find out what you two share and if you’re in a relationship or not, the best way to decide is by allowing him to make the decision. But asking him straight up isn’t the best method since he can feel intimidated and answer something simply in the spur of the moment that isn’t necessarily how he truly feels. The best way to find out what he thinks of you is by getting him to introduce you to one of his friends you have never met before. See how he introduces you and you’ll get to see his impression of you. If he says, “meet my girlfriend” then he thinks you’re his girlfriend, if he says “meet my friend” then he thinks of you as a fuck-buddy, and if he tries to avoid introducing you by simply averting the question then he thinks of you as a fuck-buddy, but uncertain what you think of the relationship and does not want to make a claim that may put him in an embarassing position later on. So I suggest you try this method if you really want to know the position you’ve gotten yourself into, but if you can wrap yourself around the fact that labels and categories do not really mean anything and all that truly matters is how he makes you feel, then simply go along for the ride and keep seeing him just because he makes you happy. Wish you all the best and thanks for the question.


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