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Your Fear and Inactions are Causing You to be Single

6 January 2012 2 Comments

This is for all the single guys out there. Many dating advice sites out there give you the impression that there is one certain way to approach a woman and you shouldn’t dare stray from their “method” or you won’t succeed. This sort of mentality usually turns you into a robotic womanizer who does things that aren’t in your nature and when something goes off course, you become lost for words. Also, with this sort of game plan you are either attracting complete airheads, or women who are looking for a good time for that night and will probably not be too interested in the morning. If you are looking for a more serious relationship, then there isn’t one way to approach a woman you find attractive. There is, however, a way to raise your chances to getting her number and later on developing a formal relationship. This is something that has worked for me countless of times and it is more in the attitude rather than what you say and when you should say it. If you have the attitude locked down then whatever you say will seem interesting and will have an impact on her. There have been times when I would say the biggest nonsense, but simply because I had confidence saying it and I wasn’t afraid that she would think less of me that I easily got away with it, and if it seemed offensive for whatever reason then I would just laugh it off claiming I was joking around.

Letting Go of Fear

The biggest problem men have in approaching women is fear. Fear of rejection, fear of slipping up, fear of embarrassment, fear of looking lame. This fear is what usually drives them to either slip up or even worse, not approach the woman at all. Then they go regretting it and telling themselves that “it’s okay… next time”. It’s easier said than done, but to be successful at picking up women, just like being successful at anything else in life, you must let go of your fear!

Now, how you let go of the fear is a different question. For me, the best methods were to not over-think things. You know how they say practice makes perfect? Well, that’s the truth. You shouldn’t make it a goal to succeed every time you approach a woman, but you should make it a goal to approach as many girls as possible. With this you will learn what works for you and what doesn’t when you approach them. If you approach 10 girls and only get 1 number, it’s better than if you don’t approach any and go home with no numbers. The ones to reap the rewards are the ones to take risks, and that way you also learn to let go of your fears.

Women aren’t all that unpredictable, it’s the men with no experience that say it’s impossible to know what women want. So remember, approach as many women as you can whether their great looking or just so-so, this way you’ll feel good about yourself that you’re actually doing something about your situation, and also you are taking a chance and the night may turn into something extremely spontaneous and fun if the girl you approach feels a liking to you. Also, the men that don’t care if they get rejected or not are the ones that become the life of the party, and if people see that you’re just there to have fun and not one of those creepers who scouts one girl and watches her throughout the night figuring out the perfect time to make their approach, then people will feel like coming and approaching you themselves.

Women aren’t mind readers. They don’t know that if you’re standing there in the corner of a club looking at her, that you’re secretly planning an approach yet too shook to make a move. For all they know, you’re waiting for your girlfriend who is in the washroom. Over-thinking the situation gets you doubting yourself and eventually fear takes over. And remember, most times than not fear will dominate if you start to ponder out every possible detail about your approach, what you should say if she responds a certain way, and how you should react to her looks. So as soon as the thought “she’s good looking” enters your mind, don’t even look at the fact if she’s with her friends or whoever, just go up and talk to her.

Using Your Tongue as a Sword

You know those days when everything seems to be going your way? Well it’s not like the world is folding to your every need. What is happening is your positive state of mind is allowing you to only focus on the positive and filter out the negative things that are happening. And when you focus on the positive, more and more positive things begin to come to you. And when you have a positive attitude, others begin to take notice. They see you radiating a smile, confidence, and most important you look like you have no worry in your life. So when you take that attitude with you when you approach a woman, she right away senses your positive energy and that’s when you can say almost anything and make her feel like the two of you are bonding. Give her compliments, make little sarcastic jokes, and at the same time be in tune with your surroundings and you can manipulate her to believing anything and wanting to get to know as much about you as possible.

The wrong thing to do would be to talk to her as if you’ve never spoken to a woman in your life, or toss meaningless flattery at her believing that you’ll get a positive response that way. Don’t be afraid to interrupt her if she’s talking about things you’re not interested in, but don’t be rude about it. Women are just as confused and nervous when a man approaches her, so don’t be afraid to take charge, in fact that’s what you should be doing. And if she’s boring or you don’t like her attitude, don’t wait to get rejected by her, but kindly excuse yourself and move on. You’re at the club to have fun, not waste your time on boring conversation, so don’t be afraid to move on if you feel like she’s not your type.

Time for Some Pecan Pie

Now I wanted to share a quick story. I went to a club with a couple of mates and that night all I wanted to do was to go all out, forget about all my worries, and try to find some interesting girls to vibe with while getting drunk. So as soon as I walked in, I saw a beautiful coat check girl who took my coat. I gave her a quick cheesy compliment saying “I hope all the girls in the club are as pretty as you” before taking my ticket and moving on. Once inside, I got some drinks and then separated from my friends and began to scout out some honies. I approached girls without preparing myself to say “what’s right”, instead I just went with the flow of things. I got a girl’s number in the first few minutes there. Then I walked off and spoke to another girl, but before getting her number I noticed I had finished my drink and another one. I excused myself and walked to the bar where I saw my friend. We drank a couple of shots then I went back to find the girl. I approached a girl who I thought was her, saying “Are you the girl I was just talking to?” realizing that it wasn’t. She gave me an awkward look, so I moved on, and as I turned I bumped into another girl, who I quickly apologized to for bumping into her then sparked a convo with her. She wasn’t the best looking girl but still decent for a lonely night, so I acted fast. I said “I got to head out now, but punch in your digits into my phone. Here,” Handing the phone to her. I always give the phone to the girl so she puts her number into my phone herself. That way you don’t have to do the work, and also you know that she won’t take the time to put in a fake number.

After another hour or so when we were heading out, I saw the coat check girl again. She was definitely one of the best looking girls in the entire club, so there was no way I was leaving without at least trying to get her number. When she gave me my coat, I said, “How about you give me your number too? I’ll take you out sometime.” And you know what, she said “No, sorry I have a boyfriend.” I’m sorry, but boyfriend or no boyfriend, I don’t quit that easily, so what I said next wasn’t filtered at all and I said the first thing that popped into my head. “You have a boyfriend, I have a girlfriend, doesn’t mean we can’t fuck.” It was either going to be an ace or a complete fail. She noticed me smile as I said it, so she obviously knew I was joking. And thank goodness she took it as a joke. She laughed, but still was hesitant at giving me her number. So what I said was “C’mon, give me your number and tomorrow I’ll take you out for some pecan pie.” She laughed again. By now the line of people behind me was getting a little reckless and a guy behind me budged in and said “Go for pie with him, he’s a great guy.” I didn’t know the guy, so that made me laugh. Then I said “Pecan pie is good, but it’s even better when you’re having it with me.” These were now just lame cheesy lines I was throwing at her just to get a laugh and in all honesty I could care less if she thought I was silly, because the next thing she said was “Okay.” I ended up getting her number and I ended up going out with her for a few months. Oh, and by the way, the whole “Sorry, I have a boyfriend” line she used on me initially was a lie.

So it goes to show that if you are confident, a little carefree, and persistent, then you’re able to get a bunch of numbers in a night and have a fun, worry-free night all at the same time.


  • Jerry said:

    This is a fantastic post for all men. This is right on the money, and all the men who are scared to approach for whatever reason need to know these points.

  • !aura said:

    this is so true, men think that women can read minds. If you like how we look, just come and talk, we don’t bite 🙂 Well some of us do, unless of course you say and do all the right things hehe

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