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Home » Friends with Benefits

You’re Just a Fuck-Buddy. Period.

23 June 2009 83 Comments

Readers have been asking how to make sure a fuck buddy doesn’t decide to become anything more than just a fuck buddy. What’s the best way to keep your fuck buddy in her position without hurting her feelings and by still continuing to keep her on call whenever you’re feeling lonely? When getting into a fuck buddy relationship you both need to know that it’s nothing serious and that you can go out with other women anytime you want without her permission. You’re both there for each other to satisfy each other’s needs without the entire process of dating. It’s that simple. So why do so many men have difficulty in keeping their fuck buddy just a fuck buddy? Well, the answer is that they end up showing too much emotion. Keep yourself untied from her and she won’t want anything more than just a fuck buddy. I personally follow a strict code when it comes to fuck buddies, because it is extremely easy to get warped into a relationship without even knowing it. The rules are simple and to the point.

Call for One Thing Only

Call your fuck buddy when you need a fuck. That’s it. She had to know that you’re using her. The beauty about having a fuck buddy is she doesn’t see it as usage, because she’s using you right back for the same thing. So it’s not really usage, it’s a mutual contract where both parties are satisfied with using each other strictly for sex. Calling her for anything more than sex can either drive her away because she may think you want something more than just sex, or it may make her feel like you want to take things further and it will get her to tie you down into a relationship.

Let Her Know if You Found a Date

I called a fuck buddy once to get together for some sex and she told me she couldn’t because she found some guy she really liked and didn’t want to ruin anything between them because he may get the wrong idea if she’s fucking me on the side. I was extremely cool with it and said I completely understand and told her to call me if things don’t work out between them, yet I wished her all the best luck. If I would have found some girl I was very interested in and didn’t want everything going to hell because some women do not find it rational for a guy to have a girlfriend and a fuck buddy at the same time, then I would just as easily told my fuck buddy that I couldn’t see her anymore and we should just remain “friends”. And we all know being friends with a fuck buddy should not be attempted. If you’ve gone from friend to fuck buddy and are thinking about going back to just friends, I advise against it. So this rule just keeps her in check that she’s just a fuck buddy and shouldn’t get any ideas that you are restricted to only “seeing” her.

Don’t Underestimate the Power of Sex

Never stop looking for other girls to add onto your call list… unless of course you don’t have the time for it. However, if you don’t have the time for other girls you should make sure you’re not spending all your time calling your fuck buddy to score another hit, because in fact fucking without strings attached can become an addiction. Be careful not to get too involved in spending every day calling her because you’re feeling lonely. Go out and meet other women and try to broaden your choice. Constantly keep your eyes peeled for new opportunities to get other women into bed, because being free is what the whole point of having a fuck buddy is. And if you get yourself tied down to the sex with no strings attached, then you lose your freedom and develop a relationship with the constant sex.

Follow these rules and you should have no problem in keeping your fuck buddy a fuck buddy. Period.

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83 Comments »

  • Sarah said:

    Pretty nice post. I just came by your site and wanted to say
    that I have really liked reading your blog posts. Anyway
    I’ll be subscribing to your feed and I hope you write again soon!

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Sarah: Thanks and I really appreciate it. I post almost daily so stop by anytime. :)

    Reply to Comment

  • Malahov said:

    I like your posts on fuck buddies. Great and knowledgable stuff. Keep posting on the subject.

    Reply to Comment

  • Noi said:

    Men should not play games when it comes to being just fuck-buddies. They need to be strait up with what they want and be direct in their wants in the relationship whether it’s just sex or something more. Sex may sometimes feel like a trap for them but they need to know that the point of a fuck buddy is to have fun like you said.

    Reply to Comment

  • How I Make $5000 a Month Posting Links on Google said:

    Loved your latest post, by the way.

    Reply to Comment

    EatMeSushi Reply:

    Interesting post. I have had many FBs and I must say that most guys are very sweet and affectionate as well as up for regular sex, and usually always respected the boundaries of FB-ness.

    However, I found a couple of guys played games, as if they were dating me, when we had agreed from the beginning it was an FB arrangement. Has anyone else experienced their FB sending mixed messages/playing hard to get? I always associated this with dating and tbh never expected this with FBs – I mean, what’s the point?? One guy in particular was a texting obsessive and I think he got off more on sexy messages than actual sex!

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @eatmesushi: Some guys just aren’t used to fuckbuddy relationships and don’t know what to do when they’re in one. It actually gets quite weird sometimes, because I’ve experienced this with womemn as well. What I do once I see that they start with the mixed messages and acting a little bit like we’re dating, I usually cut the whole thing off. I tell them we shouldn’t fuck around anymore and should stay just friends. But then I stop calling them as often and the friendship dies out with the sex. But I know where you’re coming from on this issue and I agree that some people are just not meant to be fuck-buddies because they don’t even understand the concept.

    Reply to Comment

    FB Me Reply:

    Completely agree.. Unfortunately I had a guy that started off as a meaningless FB, but right off the bat he texted me daily. At first I just didn’t want to be rude so I always responded, but the daily contact led to increased visits, which eventually led to an emotional attachment for the both of us. It got to the point where he was making plans to break up with his gf for me, as he stopped all sexual contact with her when the frequency of our visits increased. But guys/girls: DO NOT PROMISE TO END A CURRENT RELATIONSHIP IN ORDER TO START A NEW ONE WITH YOUR FB!! Especially if it was a rash decision that could easily change within a week. Chances are, things will improve with the girl/boyfriend and the FB whom you’ve now invested so much time and emotions in, will be left feeling led on.
    No quicker way to start with 1 girl, try to get 2, but end up with none!!

    Reply to Comment

    NOTW Reply:

    Wow, that’s not slutty or anything. not to mention you were doing it while he had a girlfriend.

    Reply to Comment

    FB ME Reply:

    I didn’t have a boyfriend so I’m not sure how what I was doing is considered slutty, especially since that’s the whole point behind having a “fuck buddy”… I guess you can’t be one to judge until you’re in the same situation my friend. Besides, we weren’t fuck buddies for long. He did end up breaking up with his gf and we started dating shortly thereafter. Somehow we broke the cardinal rule and ended up getting away with it. No complaints here.

    Reply to Comment

    Anjaneya Reply:

    I needs on my bed u want ha call okay bye

  • Black_Beardie said:

    Hi!
    I enjoyed reading the fuck buddy posts and advice given. :) I have never had a fuck buddy and think I would like to give it a try. :)

    Reply to Comment

  • Starlight said:

    I will try to follow these tips. Somehow things never work out as easy as they look on paper though.
    .-= Starlight´s last blog ..Car Hire Spain =-.

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Starlight: It’s never as easy as it looks on paper, but I do hope that it at least acts as the guide behind approaching the fuck buddy relationship.

    Reply to Comment

  • Anonymous said:

    Great Advice..Have as much fuck buddies as possible, right?

    How many of you have Herpes, or STDs?

    Oh, well i guess, its your life style, to have it!

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Anonymous: There is an invention called a condom.

    Reply to Comment

    NOTW Reply:

    Don’t condoms break sometimes…?

    Anonymous is right

    Reply to Comment

    Jess Reply:

    You think a condom protects you from HERPES?? Wow, if you’re gonna fuck around at least get some info about std’s. 1 in 5 people over 25 have genital herpes and 1 in 3 have the herpes virus. And no, a condom is not going to protect from it as the herpes virus is passed by skin to skin contact and is not limited to being on the actual genitals. It can be anywhere from around the waist to the thighs. Not to mention it is contagious for DAYS before symptoms appear, therefor maybe even a WEEK before the actual rash appears.

    Reply to Comment

    GullibleGrant Reply:

    My point exactly, but no need to complain now, it’s the “norm” these days. Lol

    Reply to Comment

  • SUZAN said:

    I HAVE A? IVE BEEN SEEING MY BOYFRIEND FOR A YEAR, THE FIRST 3 MOS. WONDERFUL, THE BEST, REALLY INTO EACHOTHER INEVERY WAY. HE PUT A HUGE TATT OVER HIS HEART W/MY NAME AND MYI PUT HIM ON AS WELL, NOT AS BIG. FEW MOS. LATER PASS, I KNEW BEFORE WE MWT UP AGAIN THAT HE WAS MOVING AWAY. HE SAID FOR ME TO COME THERE AND LIVE I SAID OK, KNOWING FULL WELL, NEVER . SO THEN I GO TO VISIT A FEW MONTHS LATER, GREAT TIME, HE GIVES ME AN ENGAGMENT RING(HIS VERSION?)WHEN I GOT HOME A MONTH LATER EVERYTHING WENT DOWN HIT LL ASAP. HE;S ALSO REALLY CHEAP. I JUST TOLD HIM BY TEXT IT’S NOT WORKING OUT, THE LONG DISTANCE IS TOO MUCH FOR ME AND IM NOT MOVING. SO, I BROKE IT OFF.NOTE IM BEING SOMEWHAT VAGUE. WHY WOULD HE GET TATTOOS (2) A RING ,FLY ME TO FLA. CALL 50 X A DAY, SAYING I LOVE YOU. THEN DISAPPEAR FOR 1-2 DAYS. IM CONfUSED, BUT DYING TO KNOW WHATS BEHIND ALL THE FAKENESS. HE DIDNT SEEM ALL THAT BOTHERED BY BREAKING UP, HE KNEW IT WAS COMING. I THINK HE DID IT THIS WAY TO GET ME TO DO IT,SO HE WOULDNT FEEL BAD /GUILT. WHAT DO YOU THINK, PLEASE RESPOND. VERY PUZZLED.
    THANX

    Reply to Comment

    Idk I just wanna reply to some bitch Reply:

    Caps lock is cruise controll :)

    Reply to Comment

    y Reply:

    You stupid bitch go blow some guy and quit being a bitch

    Reply to Comment

    Anjaneya Reply:

    Wn am coming with u

    Reply to Comment

  • m said:

    I met a guy in a monastery, he was a volunteer. I knew he was just using me for sex, but i fell for him anyway. As, he would come and see me almost everynite. Usually at around 6pm. We would watch dvd’s and hold hands. On the weekend i would hang out with him too. He confided in me his problems. But it was valentine’s day and he would not spend it with me.
    Then, after it finished. I found out he had actually been fucking this older, unattractive woman, WITHOUT TELLING ME.
    Yet, he did not want me to see other men.
    It was very confusing to be a fuck buddy and i will never be one again.
    Its wrong. People are just unevolved animals with no heart.
    One time i got herpes attack and he got me drunk and got the virus. Now he hates my guts Yet it was karma people. Cause i haven’t had an attack since.

    Reply to Comment

  • crystal said:

    I really want to ask this dude to be my fuck friend hahaha But, I am nervous about it. There has been a bit of flirtation but not ALOT and we have been friends for a while. But nothing intense, like idk hang out a couple times a YEAR maybe? But he is FINALLY single and I do NOT want a relationship with him. I Just wanna fuck him mad, I keep having sex dreams about him lol So, um, do most guys dig a chick to be like HEY I wanna fuck you. Or would they rather them flirt and be all coy n play hard to get n blah blah blah. I’m not one for games and I have a couple fuck buddies right now, but as you said, keep checkin around for some more to add to the list. You may think I am a whore cause I play the game just as well if not better then most men. But hey, I look at it this way, its 2010, women get equal rights in almost every other aspect. Why not sex?! :-)

    SO tell me, should I straight up say “Hey, I wanna have dirty dirty sex with you” Or should I be a little more coy about it? Your advice would be great :-D

    THANK YOU!

    Oh. P.S- My other fuck buddies, were all gotten and kept usually while drunk off my ass, I no longer drink, so now I feel new to the scene all over again! lol

    Reply to Comment

    Brody Reply:

    There are only certain a select few types of girls that can handle a friends with benefits relationship. And those are girls with family issues, daddy issues and just plain sluts. But without these misfits, there wouldn’t be so many happy guys out there who got to bang so many girls. These kinds of girls also happen to be the best in bed and the most adventurous. It goes without saying that dating one of these creatures is a terrible idea.

    I know quite a few of them and bang them whenever I’m bored, which is often. They know that I’m not interested in dating them and stop pursuing to save face. What a great deal!

    So yes, go ahead and tell him straight up that you want to fuck him. He will know right away that you are a whore and will give it to you good.

    Reply to Comment

    kawaii Reply:

    you stereotypical jerk!! not all girls who can have fuckbuddies have issues. we are just smarter now and play the game better thats why!

    Reply to Comment

    kawaii Reply:

    just go tell her you want the D girl! youll never know whens the right time so just get on with it lol. Good luck :P

    Reply to Comment

  • Teex said:

    Having a fuck buddy is just a sticky situation period enough said I mean we all have emotions and if you continue to sleep with 1 person someone is bound to catch feelings.

    Reply to Comment

    not so simple after all Reply:

    You know… I’m going to suck it up (lol) and just ask for some advice here…

    I have a “friend” who is sending a ton of mixed messages. When we first met we hit it off, but it wasn’t going further because I had a serious boyfriend. He would text me every so often and we would chat, kept it innocent and friendly. Broke up with the boyfriend, and he seemed to want to date… less than two weeks into it, he started pushing for friends/fuck buddies. He always would say weird stuff to me like your so jaded and Im so going to be your rebound (Huh?)
    I have NO experience with this kind of thing, I’ve always been the girlfriend they want to bring home to mom n dad Not the “sex on the side go to girl”.

    Seriously! -more power to those of you that are comfy with it! -I can logically see where it would be awesome!
    But I’m pretty much incredibly weirded out by it all.

    He and I, get along well, Amazing chemistry (only reason I agreed in the first place! -it’s absolutely mind blowing!!!)
    I laid down some very firm ground rules, more like that of a lover than a “piece of ass” I won’t take that type of treatment, period.
    He agreed to my “terms”… He goes through spells where he wants to hang out a lot, behaves super affectionately, calls me every day on his way home from work (aka acts like a boyfriend), then acts all distant. The other day we are in the middle of some heavy action and he freaking asked me if I LOVE HIM!?!?! WTF? I care for him, he already knows this, so I told him again. He looked kinda disappointed for a sec then shot back with a “just as well, I can’t be faithful”, and we have fun.
    I don’t know what to make of this situation, any advice? I can honestly tell you, I will NEVER do the fucking friends thing again… it’s crazy and I agree with the above… your going to get emotionally involved eventually…

    The worst part is, every time I decide I need to start pulling back because I just can’t do this anymore (it hurts!) and need to go back to just friends… we end up around each other and despite my best intentions the clothes go flying, it’s the strangest thing… literally like I have no self control. :-(

    Please, be kind in your comments, I truly am asking for insight and advice. I am somewhat freshly divorced (last two years) and had been with the same man for long while… I’m a bit naive (understatement!).

    Reply to Comment

  • Jeff Horsman said:

    Hey this is Jeff in Arlington, Texas looking for a fuck Buddy close to home someone good looking and hot and horny white or hispanic D&DF
    and open to any sexual experience. Between the ages of 35 to 60

    Reply to Comment

  • Jeff Horsman said:

    Also forgot to mention in the above comment that it needs to be a female only.

    Reply to Comment

  • Haha said:

    hey robbie G, Nice idea on the Fuck Buddy post – but you sound like a TOTAL COCK.

    Just because you’re screwing someone doesn’t mean you have to be prick, which is what it sounds like you’re preaching here. “She’s just a fuck-buddy” like some lower than human status.

    What ever happened to being lovers? There’s still etiquette involved. I had a lover for 2 years – no strings but we had mad, passionate, tantric insanely sensual sex sessions. We treated each other with respect – totally laughed when we tried to watch a DVD together and “hang out” – realised we were just lovers and only had sexual chemistry in common. We knew exactly where we stood, and respected when the other had a boyfriend or girlfriend ie no fucking (which I did during that 2 years).

    No matter what you say – there’s alway a point where one person questions the boundaries – it’s not as cold and clinical as you try and make it. And if it is you need serious therapy to get over your mother/intimacy issues.

    No-one deserves to be treated like a piece of meat as your tone implies, otherwise you may as well stick your dick inside a raw steak and call it your pal. At least then you could also cook it up and eat it afterwards.

    ;-)

    Reply to Comment

    HotTamaleMel Reply:

    Thank God someone gets it. Robbie G has def shown his inadequacies with the tone of this post. Obviously still afraid of being emasculated – a healthy man will have dealt with this stage by the time he went to kindy. Women ‘get’ no strings sex. But when a guy has to cast the woman as subservient supplicant in this transaction like Robbie G here really does show him to be too immature to handle grown up sex. ‘No matter what you say – there’s alway a point where one person questions the boundaries – it’s not as cold and clinical as you try and make it. And if it is you need serious therapy to get over your mother/intimacy issues. No-one deserves to be treated like a piece of meat as your tone implies, otherwise you may as well stick your dick inside a raw steak and call it your pal. At least then you could also cook it up and eat it afterwards.’ Yes! Unless ur a Neanderthal, ignore Robbie G’s advice here. You can get all the sex you wan and still be a gentleman.

    Reply to Comment

    not so simple after all Reply:

    agreed, they have robotic “blow up” dolls(Howard Stearn show) don’t they? people have emotions, it’s as we are meant to be.

    Reply to Comment

  • Noob_lol said:

    I’ve recently slept with a co-worker (not smart I know) he’s told me that he wants to do it again and what not while at the same time making it clear to me that he is not looking for a relationship since he has no clue what he’s looking for and he’s hung up on another chick we work with (who doesn’t like him) – says it’s awkward to be around us both and constantly asks me if I’m okay-. Fine by me, I’m actually dating someone. BUT he messages me every day, is always flirting and sex for some reason is etremely passionate; almost as if “making love”. He asks me every day if I want a ride home or if I want to hang out we’ve gone to dinner once and he paid and baught me a pack of smokes as well. I also happen to be the only girl he is sleeping with.

    POINT – I’m doing this FB thing wrong huh? I can’t tell if he’s just a really nice guy or if he’s actually clinging or is that his bisexualness coming into play… IDK Opinion please.

    Reply to Comment

  • Wanna fuck? said:

    Dont agree; I’ve had a best friend since hs one day watching a movie he kisses my neck and says “wanna fuck” instant fuck buddy: -stressing buddy-. If u separating sex and humanity into primal needs then u should b reasonable and logic enough to understand that if ur anything more than a rutting dog they’re GONNA cross. Y not have the best or both worlds I have a great friend all the time and a great lover (who KNOWS me and all the things I that make m e scream) when I’m horny ;). Keeping things just fucking :p -gag- lol I can get a bad lay anytime but the point of sex is a connection. If u have a random distant bed bunny good for u but I’ll take a friend and a fuck every time.

    Reply to Comment

  • Kels said:

    “Constantly keep your eyes peeled for new opportunities to get other women into bed”

    Men really are all pigs. End of story.

    Reply to Comment

  • brmc said:

    I agree with “wanna Fuck”
    Me and a really good friendwent about it the same way once. Mind blowing sex. And she’d ask me relationship advice after, like friends do. We cared about each other a lot. But neither wanted more.

    Reply to Comment

  • Rebekah said:

    hey guys so i have a few questions. here is whats going on, i often (maybe once a week or once every 2weeks) meet up wit this guy and we have sex. either one of us might txt the other and say wanna hang out. we talk and would txt a bit (he doesnt like txting). i know he is really busy with college work. i really lik him and he says that he likes me and apparently its an open relationship. firstly does this mean fuck buddies? i have asked him before about us being more but he says he doesnt want to be bf/gf because he is really busy and he doesnt want to feel like hes in a cage. understandable, is he just saying this because he just wants to be fuck buddies and he wants sex with other people? he also said that just because we could have sex with other people doesnt mean that we will. maybe i am completly naive here! i really like him and i dont want to ask him about this in fear he will get pissed off that i am pressuring him. please any advice or comments.
    thanks

    Reply to Comment

  • Twarped said:

    I have some suggestions about rule #2. I think it is a bad idea to call your ex-FB that you found another date, and this is coming from a woman’s perspective. However, I do believe FWB relationships are quite different considering that emotional attachments are inevitable.

    Generally, it is common in fuck buddy relationships to not know too much about the person beyond his/her facade. I mean, you have no clue if the guy/girl is some kind of Glenn Close (Fatal Attraction) or Mark Wahlberg character (Fear). My first suggestion for both men and women is distance.

    Second, after a period of distance, my suggestions for women is to send a message to the FB. For instance, “want to see a movie, or how was your b-day? Blah, blah, blah.” This tactic should (emphasis on should) scare the FB off, and you can usually gauge his interest in a relationship by how quickly (or, never) responds. It’s up to your discretion on how soon you want to be with another guy after that, but you don’t owe the FB anything. My guess would be if it was a quick response then a phonecall would be in order, or you could just blow him off completely. If he is the psycho type, keep establishing boundaries! If need be, have a good mutual friend tell the FB that he has feelings for you, or that he hooked up with you or some shit (note: you don’t have to screw the mutual friend). But, mark my words, be wary of telling the FB you have a boyfriend unless you feel threatened. He may not be upset that he lost a close friend, but his ego will be taking a hit just by the sheer fact that you found another guy who is taking his good time away. Note: he is not around to be your friend. If he was, he would have told you. And, even then, he just wants to get laid. At some point in time, expect a drunken confrontation, sexual proposition, and/or front porch appearance.

    For guys, my suggestions for you would be to just avoid, be polite, and ignore. If you run into each other or do something together with mutual friends, just play it cool as if you were running into a co-worker or with a friendly acquaintance. This, at least, enforces the fact that you are not interested. But, do not under any condition call said woman later that night or week for a hook-up. You are just confusing her at that point, and damaging her self-worth. If you think doing such a thing is cool, you are only creating a future stalker (“Play Misty for Me” types). Or, you may run into her later working at a bank, and she gives you ten dollars back in pennies.
    Next suggestion, similar to the females, would be for you to ask your mutual friend to tell the FB that she is freaking you out. Also, have him tell her that you thought the sex was only casual with no strings attached. By indirectly telling her this, it cautions her to back off. It is not as humiliating as a “back off whore!” from you, and it gives her time to talk it out with the mutual friend. And, make sure your friend is a good one. Btw, expect your balls in the snatch court to be thrown out at that point. If you have another girl, don’t flaunt her as it may appear to the FB that you are purposefully trying to make her jealous (which may, indirectly, lead her to actually think you care). In most events, she has probably already moved on to something else. If she actually still carries a torch, she’d be too ashamed to admit anyways. If she is psycho, keep your girlfriend away from her as best as possible. Also, at some point in time, expect a drunken confrontation, sexual proposition, and/or front porch appearance. And, slipping it into her butt is not a good way (in the long run) to end the FB relationship.

    Reply to Comment

  • Emily said:

    my FB and I started about 4 months ago. Originally we made it very clear- just sex- and neither of us wanted anything more. I go out with my friends every Fri/Sat and then spend the nights with him after. I live far away on weekdays so I never see him Mon-Thurs. Over time it seems like it has evolved into more. Ever time we hang out we talk for a long time and will cuddle/hold hands etc. I know so much about his life and he knows so much about mine. His friends/brother are very aware of me and I get along great/ will hang out with them the next day. Sometimes he will invite me/my friends to the beach or we will have joint pregames. But he doesnt ask enough for me to be 100% sure he is interested. During one of our talks he told me that he has never been the 1st to tell a girl he likes her and never been the one to ask someone out- he has basically never been the first to initiate anything. I have also never done these things because I hate rejection.

    I think he is interested: because when we are together he is attentive and everything he does makes it seem that way.

    I think he isn’t interested: because he has not brought up being more serious- and i am not sure if that is because he isn’t interested or if it is because he doesn’t want me to turn him down.

    I honestly don’t know what the deal is and if he isn’t interested I have no idea why he acts this way because I have never once nagged him about being attentive etc. I can only assume he enjoys my company and I am just not sure if he enjoys it in a relationshipy way or in some other way. Another POV would be fantastic!!!

    He is everything I would ever look for in a guy but I am still unsure if I want a commitment. I just want to know where he is coming from.

    Idn if age matters but he is 24 and I am 22 (in case certain age brackets make you change your opinion on the subject)

    Reply to Comment

  • justsomegirl said:

    I used to have rules in place. They went like this:
    1 – No sleeping over.
    2 – No cuddling.
    3 – No communication unless it’s related to a hook up.
    4 – No hanging out.

    I just broke these rules and now I’m in a situation where I’ve fallen for my fuck buddy. So once he goes back to school in August and our summer loving is over I’m reinstating the rules. It’s clinical but at least it doesn’t lead me to the point where I’m staring at my phone wondering when he’s going to call or text.

    Reply to Comment

    Rebekah Reply:

    Also no kissing is a good rule!

    Reply to Comment

  • AnotherSuit said:

    This female I run into through work keeps talking about going to lunch together and how much she’d like to have a few drinks with a “friend.” I know she’s as hard up for IT as I am, but I don’t know how to close the deal. She is a mature woman and I’m and older guy. I’ve forgotten all my moves!!!

    I mean, do you just both get a bit loaded and start talking about occasional no-srings sex?

    Reply to Comment

  • AnotherFB said:

    I just started the FB thing, I’m a guy and have found a girl that only wants to be FBs, my question is. How does the FB thing work? Meaning, do I have her come over and take her right to my bedroom? Or should we watch a movie or tv for a little bit first? I don’t mind going right to the bedroom, but since all I’ve ever had were normal relationships it’s weird for me to just have her over for sex and not even warm up first by chatting or watching tv. I’d like to know how other people go about their routines.

    Reply to Comment

    Tess Reply:

    I just started a FB relationship. We have been together three times. Each time I go to his house and we head straight to the bedroom. He walks up and starts kissing me. Then we just get naked and get on the bed. There’s usually a lot more kissing and then we get down to business. Mind blowing sex, lots of passion, both people very satisfied. Then lay there for a few minutes, sort of calm down and catch our breath. I get up, get dressed and leave at that point. No hanging out and no texting or calls other than to arrange another meeting.

    Reply to Comment

  • Sonia said:

    I get attached quite easily, and I have had a number of lovers. I can tell you that women are not desperate and stupid, and will not get attached to you if you are transparent and straightforward and avoid playing games.
    I can name at least 3 men I have had fuck buddy type relationships (sans drama) and who had these types of affairs with other girls who never got attached either. all these men were friendly, fun, open and honest. They never had to spell out it was just sex yet everything was clear.
    I have also gotten attached to men, but they were those who seemed confused about what they wanted, courted me and relished in the intimacy while appearing to play aloof. Women dont deal well with ambiguous relationships.
    I have had my current and favourite FB ever for 3 years. I hardly ever see hm but enjoy the time we spend together. we chat, have mediocre sex, watch movies and cuddle. He calls me on my birthday and on Valentine’s. I can always call him to say hi and he often calls me to touch base. I would say we have found a good balance.

    Reply to Comment

    Needy1 Reply:

    Theirs this guy I work with hes really nice sometimes a little dorky, anyways we hooked up and WOW! It was fantastic, the only thing is that we also work with my sister and he is frriends with her and comes over often to see her but when I text him or ask him to come hang out “fuck” hes always busy until he decides to call me! i dobt know whether to take as if I am a booty call or what?

    Reply to Comment

  • Ange said:

    All I can say about the Fb relationship is that it is fun for a while, then feelings start, and it all gets messy.
    I ended one because I had feelings for someone else, and my Fb got upset with me, but I said that it was better for both of us to end it. There’s never a nice ending to these things, but, like friendships and relationships, they can be mended with careful communication.

    Reply to Comment

    Rebekah Reply:

    Agree totally! Gets messy!

    Reply to Comment

  • Tee said:

    I tried the Fb thing for a while and normally men like to say Women catch feelings after my bitter divorce my whole mentality changed I decided to give love the boot which I did some would say my mentality changed and became much like a guys mentality…Long story short I met a fb and after we sit and talked come to find out he actually wanted to start out being a fb but wanted to go to the next level after a session or two he started to text every waking day he then gave me a pet name confused the hell outta me I was like dude I am NOT your gf nor am I trying to be you are just sex and your Not even very good at it well endowed but what a freaking waste.I told him he served his purpose and his services were NO longer needed he took it personal I didn’t End Of Story.

    Reply to Comment

  • sexy lexy said:

    hi there have been reading your thoughts on what a fb should be well i have been with my fb for nearly two years the thing is i have become to see him as more as for the last two years we have only been apart for three weeks can you tell me if this is more than a fb he calls me all the time and always wants to be here with me is this more than a fb as i do have real feelings for this guy and i think he does me as we do all a couple should do he also very good with my daughter can you tell me if this is more

    Reply to Comment

  • Ange said:

    I have a fuckbuddy in another state. I know its might not go anywhere, because he is 8 years younger than me and. Maybe it will, maybe it won’t. We both like each other, as friends, cos we’re both into the same music scene. The purpose he serves for me is that I get some BDSM fantasies out of my system, and he gets his rocks off too. But we have kissed, and he has helped me through a tough time in my life; a break up with a guy I was in love with, and stresses of uni life. I’m really attracted to him, because he is such a lovely person. When we chat online, we always end our conversations with a “xx”

    I might be making a big deal out of nothing. I don’t know if I want a relationship right now, but I always get romantic and melodramatic when I have sex. He’s brought my confidence back after a tough period in my life. The danger with me is falling in love, and a relationship would be too taxing on my energies right now. I don’t want anyone to get hurt, so we just act like friends with benefits. Neither of us can be bothered with relationship drama.

    Reply to Comment

  • Kimi said:

    Guys please help-
    I have never had a fuck buddy before. I met this guy and we immediately started sleeping together. I tried to play it cool and not really text him after the first night we met (where we only kissed) but I gave in the next weekend and texted him after a night out and we slept together. Now this is the weird thing about my fb. The industry of work he works in, is typically at night (no not a male prostitute! ha) but he actually will leave his work and ignore his clients to come see me. The first 2 times we fucked he texted me the day after. Which I was cool with, just a hello, that was fun, etc. That’s cool with me b/c hey, we are all human beings and it was polite. The next 2 times we fucked got better and better, but I didn’t hear from him unless I texted him. Sometimes he replies hours later or the next day. I’m confused, it seems as though he plays games and isn’t really all that interested, yet he will continue to risk losing his job to fuck me? I’m so confused by what is going through this guys mind.
    Anyone? thoughts?

    Reply to Comment

    Brody Reply:

    Simple. The blood is flowing to his cock and he can’t think. It’s not emotional since he’s not a chick.

    Reply to Comment

  • BobBlackman35 said:

    Nice read.

    I agree with a lot thats been said. Besides my wife Jen as my regular sexual partner, I also have a fuckbuddy at my daughters college called Alyssa. So I agree its important to remind Alyssa that she is my fuckbuddy not my lover, she does tend to get emotionally involved. Maybe I just need a fuckbuddy closer to my age to replace her, or a 2nd fuckbuddy.

    please advise me

    thanks
    Bob

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Bob: A fuckbuddy closer to your age group won’t really make much of a difference in my opinion. I think someone who is simply more experienced with having previous fuck buddies, on the other hand, can mean a world of difference.

    Reply to Comment

  • Brenda said:

    When I was 21, I had my very first bf who was 28. He was my first kiss and everything. I thought he was really into me and on our 1st date, he forced me to have sex with him but only went as far as the 2nd base. On the 2nd date, I gave in coz being my 1st bf I didn’t have a clear idea of how a bf-gf shld be. I just knew for a fact that all “couples” have sex and he was such a sweet talker and manipulative while I was vulnerable, naive and with low self-esteem. He would contact me and tell me he misses me and that he wants to see a movie with me. But it would end up in sex. I thought he loved me. After the first sex, I got attached to him. I was in denial to myself and I would ignore the thought that maybe he’s just using me for sex. I was in total denial and I would justify to myself that he loves me that’s why we’re having sex. To make the long story short, I found out in the end that he was just using me as a fuck buddy coz he has a serious gf. I was the purest girl before I met him, never been kissed and all that and I was just used as a fuck buddy! Guys, pls don’t do this to innocent girls. Have a conscience.

    Reply to Comment

    Brody Reply:

    Sucks that that happened to you Brenda. The sad truth is that men these days are just an evolved product of recent “developments” in feminism. I am, what you might call, a pick-up artist who uses game to pick up women.

    Game is, in fact, a direct result of women’s liberation. The feminists themselves have created the pick-up artists and players they are now so fond of despising. Let me explain.

    Back in the “good old days”, people got married. If they didn’t get married, they by and large didn’t have sex either. This applied equally to men and women. Infamous womanizers in those days were not looked upon kindly by society at large. For a bunch of them to get together to exchange tips and tricks for bedding women faster would hardly have been publicly tolerated. “Players” of the time, like the eponymous Giacomo Casanova, largely made their trade by seducing unsuspecting damsels with promises of marriage and then absconding into the night before their fathers found out. It was a dangerous Game back then.

    Then came feminism and women’s “liberation” – these women, for some reason, felt that the old rules were not so much for their own protection as for the sick enjoyment of evil patriarchs who got off on oppressing women by making them submit to possessive patriarchal desires. A discussion of those claims will not be included in this article, because, frankly, I like to spend my time discussing things that make sense. In any case, these women wanted the freedom to have sex with anyone and everyone with impunity, and the evil patriarchs, being the sadistic bastards they are, gave the women exactly what they wanted.

    Now, it was okay for a woman to be as big a slut as she liked, and consequently, it was also okay for a man to sleep with one without any designs for marriage. This opened the field for unapologetically professional players. Those men who found the lifestyle of a serial conqueror alluring could now practice their craft with impunity, and “liberated” women were available in ample supply to give them all the practice they wanted.

    Now, “The Game” was truly born. Regular Joes could avail themselves of the practically inexhaustible slut supply of their home cities without having to run from shotgun-wielding fathers while doing their day jobs on the side. Players’ reputations could spread, and they could find each other and network, and no one had anything to say to that. The “seduction community” was formed.

    Wherever information gathers, innovation will flourish and scientific progress will accelerate. So, too, in the seduction community – it didn’t take long before its pooled talents had distilled the process of getting into a girl’s pants into very pure and very effective forms. Armed with unprecedented tactical knowledge, players of a new breed never before seen flowed forth into the streets, bars, nightclubs and grocery stores.

    Before the new breed of trained players, women were rendered powerless. The sluts and the shy girls alike fell before the might of the industrially optimized players – right onto their beds with their Birkenstocks in the air.

    Women are slowly starting to wake up to the fact that it’s getting difficult to secure commitment from men any more. Not all of them are ready to face the fact that giving the milk away for free isn’t the greatest way to sell the cow, and even those who face facts can do little about the abundance of free milk available to any man willing to learn Game.

    What women really ought to do if they want to make men commit again is push for the reversal of their original “liberation”, but I’m not holding my breath for that one. What they are doing instead is further shooting their own gender in the foot with dating advice that’ll guarantee a lonely cat-filled future.

    The feminists made their bed, and now their daughters lie in it with men who won’t remember their faces a month and ten more girls later.

    Oh, and if any of the women I refer to as “sluts” here take offense, it’s wholly unjustified, because – haven’t you heard? – “slut” is now an empowering, positive term!

    Reply to Comment

  • Brenda said:

    And so now, after 10 years, I see him as a demon. If I come across a gunman I’ll hire him to shoot that demon, this I promise myself. For my own peace of mind, and my revenge. My innocence was taken away by using me as this fucking fuck buddy without me knowing it.

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Brenda: Sorry to hear that. There always has to be an openness about what type of relationship you’re in, and if a couple are just fuck buddies then there should it be clearly decided upon.

    Reply to Comment

  • Terri said:

    Wow, great web site. I’ve got a FB and it’s perfect for me since I’m married (40 years) but my wife is getting very grandmotherly, and really has no interest in doing anything with me, going anywhere, the same activities as I like, much less sex. And my FB partner is in the same situation: married with 18 year old children, still doing the mommy thing but can’t afford to rock the boat – husband totally boring, and she hates them all but has to get through this. Maybe someday we’ll live together but it seems so impossible. She dates other guys who are single, but since she’s married, she just can’t be seem with me since I’m very married, and she’s closer to divorce than me. It does drive me crazy that she’s seeing other guys, but that just goes with the territory , but since I seem to be pretty good in bed (at least always get it up and off), she always comes back to me. It’s a little tough, but perfect for me. Might be a lot nicer if we could just live together and not have to lie, but if you want to maintain your lifestyle, a FB is perfect, if you don’t mind rather constant anxiety.

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Terri: Thanks for sharing that, and it’s good to hear that you’re able to control the entire situation well. Many times when it’s not done right it may turn into something problematic but looks like you’re keeping a cool head about it. I wonder, is the secrecy part of the excitement for you in this situation and do you think you’d feel the same way about your FB if you two weren’t married to other people?

    Reply to Comment

    Terri Reply:

    Oh well, it’s easier said than done. When I first wrote you on 10/26/11, things were just perfect. Totally unfucking believable. We went to sex clubs. Discovered we were exhibitionists. Loved having sex in front of other people but that we weren’t swingers and weren’t interested in having sex with other people. She turned me onto her beautiful cooking and could sing for me when we went to a jazz club with the most beautiful voice. She bought me an expensive Christmas present of a $180 bottle of 18 year old scotch and we started signing off our texts XOXO (hugs and kisses) – but she never liked me texting her too much. And there were other warnings not to get too close.
    I began to interfere with her other relationships – drove by her house too much, observed her and her real boyfriend together too often. (He was a short, ugly, balding guy I just couldn’t understand why she liked him other than she’s a pleasure, just wanting to take care of pitiful needy people – like her miserable husband and looser kids.
    But as by now you can tell, I started to get hooked and fell in love – which you just can’t do! Shit, I killed the deal all by myself, until finally, I drove by her house too much, and she tested me:
    7:23 AM
    me: Morning Terri. I sure wish I could get an update on your life. Have a nice day off. Maybe coffee or lunch one of these days. (Missing you)
    7:37 AM
    I am afraid you have proven on many levels that you cannot be respectful of my space & feelings . It’s all or nothing & I choose nothing. Please respect that.
    7:43 AM
    me: It was never all, but I respected that. I do respect your space and feelings but just drove by once to much, but I’ve never really intruded on your space or feelings. I’ve only tried to make your life easier, and I’ll always be available for that, the minute you call.
    7:55 AM
    I just think it’s irrational to expect our paths will never cross again. Our lives are intertwined, and I have the right to go to you like it or not, Your house is still the fastest way from the to my house. Believe me, I’m cool with your space and feelings, but will always think we were perfect for each other.
    7:59 AM
    It always worked if you gave me fair warning when you told me what you were doing, rather than kept me wondering. I hope you change your mind when it becomes apparent I will do ANYTHING for you, and I can make your life easier.
    But that was it, on 1/25/12 – suddenly she blocked me from texting her. and I’ve only seen her a couple of times since. Although we’d broken up several times before, that was really it. I don’t know what happened other than she was just getting into a serious relationship with the short, ugly, balding, old guy.
    It’s taken me a long time but I think finally I’m over her, but GOD, the pain and the anxiety. I can’t believe the weird feelings to obsessively drive by her house and try to figure out what she’d going with her other friend. Finally I’m starting to realize she was a psycho bitch, (at one point, in a crowed bar where I happened to see her she screamed out “Stay away from me!”), just turning on the charm for me in the most incredible ways. So easy to get hooked. But I learned so much from her about love and sex, food, singing, entertainment, and truly being taken care of. It was wonderful.
    Still she’s holding to her plan, though I keep hoping she’ll call me – but I know I’m better off without her (in a loving caring way.) I think she’s now having lots of other personal problems – back back, children having more and more problems, and suspect she may not now even be able to have sex because of medical problems. It would only be great if we could just be FBs as you describe in this article).
    It was a roller coaster ride, but I loved ever minute of it, learned so much, and really learned to love – the cardinal sin if you want to kill a FB relationship with a woman you can’t really learn too much about. Ah, if only I could roll back the clock and go back to just a FB relationship, or if I just could talk to her and find out is she really serious about this other friend, can she really still have sex. But I accept it’s over, and now it’s time to move on to another FB, learning lessons from what I’ve been through. I’m just doubting the next one could ever be as wonderful as she was.

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  • Fuckfriend said:

    Sounds a nice option, especially after a complicated relationship…

    Reply to Comment

  • Nanua said:

    Hey. This is a great post really.

    I am in a FB right now, but it has gotten complicated. I go to college, so there are a lot of connections made between people that make FB arrangements difficult. In my case, a girl left for a year, and now has come back to finish her last year of college. The thing is, her and my FB have a little history. They both liked eachother at one point, but the girl was not willing to settle and he got frustrated and moved on. I thought it was fine until last time we had sex, he wanted to drop me back to my room almost right afterwards…he ussually NEVER does this. It is our routine to have sex at night, I sleep at his place, and in the morning we have sex again…so am I reading into this right that he most likely still has feelings for this girl? And if so, should I just step aside? I want things to be plain and simple…and FUN, like this article says it should be, and I feel as if I stay involved in this things will get messy…

    Once again, great article! I wish more FB relationships could be this way!

    Reply to Comment

  • norman said:

    I like it.

    Reply to Comment

  • Honey Bee said:

    Life should be lived to the fullest, be fun, full of sex & eroticism, joy and peace! There is a time and a place to have completely superficial & animalistic connections with another human being, just as much as there is a time and a place to choose to be in a loyal & committed romantic relationship. When one is young, explore with a mindfulness of std’s and when one is older, choose your partner wisely and be couragous in staying open to allowing growth that can only be found in a deep romantic relationship. I wish you all the best & hope that you are honoring & respecting yourself & your FB/partner, being intentional in actions and when change is necessary, flowing from integrity and being gracious in leaving the relationships that are no longer serving you.

    Reply to Comment

    Terri Reply:

    Wow Honey Bee. Very profound and true, but often hard to implement. Still it really works and I loved the part about “There is a time and a place to have completely superficial & animalistic connections with another human being, just as much as there is a time and a place to choose to be in a loyal & committed romantic relationship”

    Reply to Comment

  • Laurafuck16 said:

    I want to get shagged now, Im 16 and i want an erection!

    Reply to Comment

  • Anonymous said:

    I need a few insights from anyone here please? I was in a relationship for 6years and he was for 4 years. We agreed to do a no strings attached physical relationship and its been going on for 6months. On the first few months, he was really cool, kept telling me not to expect anything more out of what were doing and i was cool with that. i got out from a long term relationship and i have no intentions to fall inlove again yet. But i have needs too you know. I played it really cool with him, never showed emotions, never texted him first, never caused drama. i treated him like how i treated most of my guy friends. but lately, hes been really emotional about me leaving him soon cuz i told him i cant do this for a long time that someday i gotta move forward. He told me ii should tell him 2months before i decide to leave. He tells me how he wants to stay in contact even if we dont do it anymore. He admitted he got hurt when i said we shouldnt talk if ever we stop doing this. Hes been opening up to me bout issues in his life and other stuff you dont tell just to anyone. He told me last nite that he is really happy with me, and the day before that he told me hes starting to really care for me and that i should open up to him. dont know. If hes inlove with me? He should be telling me that rite? Or i dont know what hes trying to do. is he giving me hints that he kinda likes me? I dont know. I have a lot of close guy friends. The thing is i cant tell if a guy really likes me until he tells me directly cuz im used to guys really nice and respect me. I have guy friends confessing to me after years of being friends but i never figured it out. What do you think is happeninc here? It just really confusing cuz soYmetimes i get paranoid and accuse him of trying to make me fall for him so we could do this for a long time. But can guys pretend this stuff? He knows im not ready yet and that i dont want relationship. But i honestly feel something for him. I like him a lot and i think about him often lately. Im just ive been keeping my mouth shut. I dont wanna rush into entering a relationship cuz i wanna be completely sure. I wanna commit whole heartedly but im not fully there yet. I told him he makes me happy tho. Thats it. Can someone englighten me?

    Reply to Comment

  • Brody said:

    Great article, btw! It has helped me understand why some girls have been wanting more out of our fwb relationship and what I can do to stop that from happening in the future.

    Reply to Comment

  • Brody said:

    Also, I noticed that some women on here are complaining about how unfair it is that men are called studs when they sleep around, yet women get called sluts for the exact same behavior. It’s actually not a double standard though, because both scenarios are pretty different in terms of circumstances and consequences. I can think of at least four crucial differences:

    First, sleeping around is easier for women. Regardless of how you feel about promiscuity, we can all agree that a guy who manages to rack up a lot of sexual partners has to have some skills. It’s challenging for men to rack up partners, even for men with low standards. A man needs social intelligence, interpersonal skills, persistence, thick skin, and plain old dumb luck. For women, though, a vagina and a pulse is often enough. Whenever an accomplishment requires absolutely no challenge, no one respects it. It’s just viewed as a lack of self-discipline. People respect those who accomplish challenging feats, while they consider those who overindulge in easily obtained feats as weak, untrustworthy or flawed.

    Second, women have potential to do more harm by sleeping around than men do. Say a man sleeps around with a bunch of different women. He’s definitely doing harm to these women if he pretends to be monogamous while sleeping around. He may cause them emotional pain by his promiscuity. He may cause unwanted pregnancy. He may spread VD. When women sleep around, however, they can cause not only all these same ill effects but one additional crucial ill effect: the risk of unknown parentage.

    If one guy sleeps around with five women, each of whom is monogamous to him, and they all get pregnant, it’s a safe bet as to who the father is. If you reverse genders and have one woman who sleeps around with five men who are monogamous to her, and she gets pregnant, the father could be any of the five men. And if one of those men is tricked into raising a baby that isn’t his, he’s investing time, money, estate and property to provide for a child that isn’t carrying his DNA into the next generations, a costly mistake from an evolutionary standpoint.

    Our two basic primal drives are to survive and to reproduce, and promiscuous women traditionally make it hard for a man to know for sure whether he is truly reproducing or is secretly raising another man’s child. Men stand a lot more to lose from promiscuous women than the other way around. And it’s no picnic for the child to not know who his real father is either. And it’s a mess for the women carrying on the deception as well. Or just look at any random episode of the Maury show if you don’t believe me.

    Since the DNA test and the birth control pill didn’t exist until recently, there were no reliable ways to prevent pregnancy or prove parentage for most of human history. For this reason society developed a vested interest in preventing promiscuity among women, and society accomplished this by creating the slut stigma. And even though the creation of birth control and DNA tests have made this less of a risk than the past, longstanding traditions and customs are not easy for society to break so the slut stigma remains.

    Third, men have evolutionary reasons to be programmed to sleep around more. A lot of women roll their eyes when they hear that men are “hard-wired” to sleep around. But from an evolutionary standpoint, it makes total sense. If the two primal drives of humans are to survive and to reproduce, nothing leads to maximum reproduction like one man sleeping with multiple women. If one women sleeps with many men in a nine month period, she can only get pregnant just once. Nine months of rampant promiscuity would give the same result as nine months of highly sexed monogamy: one pregnancy. Now if one man sleeps with many women during a nine month period, you can get many pregnancies during that period. The more women he sleeps with, the more possible pregnancies.

    So from an evolutionary standpoint, there are concrete advantages to men being promiscuous compared to women being promiscuous. This doesn’t mean that women have evolved to be strictly monogamous. Women have evolved to be somewhat promiscuous too, something men badly underestimate. However they haven’t evolved to be as rampantly promiscuous as men.
    Fourth, promiscuity poses more risk to women than to men. A woman has more to lose from choosing bad sex partners than a man does. She’s the one who gets stuck with going through a pregnancy and taking care of a baby alone if she chooses a deadbeat. For this reason, promiscuous women throughout history have historically been viewed as being a vastly more irresponsible risk takers than promiscuous men, who rightly or wrongly could always run away from the consequences of unwanted pregnancies easier than women could.

    These four reasons explain why the longstanding tradition came about of men being rewarded for multiple partners while women get socially punished for similar promiscuity. Of course all this is gradually changing, but we’re up against millenia of evolutionary and cultural conditioning here, so don’t expect any dramatic overnight reversals.

    Understand that I’m just explaining why the double standard came into existence and not condoning or condemning it. This is not an attempt to pass judgment or be self-righteous in any way. It’s just an explanation of why the two conditions are treated differently.

    Reply to Comment

  • m said:

    hello , i’ve had fuck buddy for 3years and 4 months now but before that we were friends for a year it all happened a night out we got drunk… the sex is great i always saw him as a friend we get along good we can see each other out in public and we only meet up on the weekends to fuck.but he’s confusing me lately he texts me on the weekdays to chill or tells me lets have more sex maybe mornings or afternoons or calls me babe ,i miss you , i have you on my mind , asks me if Im fucking someone else or gets all weird when we are at a party and a guys trys to talk to me saying “she’s my girl” or telling guys uase a condom .. so i stopped texting him for bit now he’s rude and says mean things to me but i just don’t want to fuck someone else cause i dont want to fuck guys after guys . And What should i do ? And at the same times says i don’t want a relationship

    Reply to Comment

  • Mara said:

    I just read you post, loved it by the way. I just have a question, I’ve followed all that and well me and my fuck buddy have been at it for almost a year. Thing is the other day he brought me an expensive gift. I’m not sceard that it might be a sighn to end our arengement or that he might be wanting more…

    Reply to Comment

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